The unfair world..

Celebrating Haloween is something new for me. I grew up in a particularly asean culture, except for a year in glassgow, but even then, I didn't really get to celebrate Haloween. In KTJ, the haloween celebration is just round the corner and there has been lots of effort put into making it a succesful occasion. Members of EYES (young economist society) has been put in charge of organising the "social night".
I've been put in charge of screening some horror movies. Others will be in charge of food, music, dress-code etc.. I don't really have a liking for horror movies, but its my duty. I can't escape. However, I've also been helping out with the chocolate cake dedications.
The chocolate cakes costs 3 ringgit each and will be delivered to the recipients on haloween night. Throughout the few days that I've been collecting orders, I've made a very interesting observation. Most of the chocolate dedications were made to the more popular students. Its not a great discovery, but seeing it from another point of view, its really unfair to others.
Some students are not as good-looking and charming as the others, hence, less popular. But shouldn't everyone be given equal chance to receive the cakes irrespective of their social status? It's just plain unfair that some will get all the cakes and some won't get any.
The way I see things, there will be some people with hurt feelings on haloween night. That's why I've decided to do something about it. I"ll be giving a free chocolate cake to someone I think that won't be getting any. I do hope that it'll make a difference.
I might not be able to change the whole world, but I hope to be able to give that someone a special haloween, knowing that someone is looking out for him/her.

Home..

It's not really normal for me to feel homesick. But the more I think of home, the more I realise that I never really had the time to really have a home for good. So, I started to retrace where I've been since I was born.
I was born i Kluang, Johor. Needless to say, I have no memories whatsoever of that place at all. I wouldn't consider it home. When I was 2, I shifted to Mentakab, Pahang. I was there for 3 years before shifting to Glassgow, Scotland for a year. After Glassgow, I shifted back to Mentakab for another 3 years. All in all, I spent nearly 6 years in Mentakab(3 years before shifting to glassgow, and 3 years after). However, I wouldn't consider it home. When I was 8 years old. I shifted to Damansara Utama, Petaling Jaya. For the first time, I felt that I was really close to home. But At 14, After 5 years in PJ, I went to a boarding school for another 4 years. After the 4 years, I 'm in another boarding school, or rather, a college where I'm expected to stay in hostels.
I realise that I've never been living in one place for extremely long periods. Therefore, I wouldn't really have a place to call home. A new question dawns upon me. "How can you feel homesick when you don't have a place to call home?"
Well, honestly speaking. I can't tell for sure. I don't know lots of things. But the feeling of homesick is eveident in me. I feel the need to go to a place where I feel I belong to. Most of the times, I feel like a lost wanderer, endlessly searching for his destination but never finding it. And in his search for his final destination, he makes some places his temporary home only to abandon it and move on.
So it is with my life. My life is merely a passing by. I have a long journey ahead of me. Most of the places where I have been living in were only a temporary home till I moved on. Even now in KTJ, I'm in transit. Some time from now, I shall be leaving this place headed somewhere else. And from there, on to another place, then to another and another. I'll only reach home when my time on earth is up. I"ll be gone never to come back and where I'll be will be my dwelling place for eternity- Home.
The feeling I get, thinking about all of this that life is like a story book. Its written with different chapters explaining different parts of my life. And when I do finally reach home, I wonder how each and every chapter of my book would be written. And yes, the book will be published. Through words from the mouths of my sons and daughters my legacy will continue. And even as I work at making my legacy one worth talking about, I still long for home.

Me, myself and I..

The cross country and the house singing competetion was held last friday and last saturday respectively. I didn't win the 1st place for the cross country run, but I did win a podium finish. I got 3rd place. As for the house singing, I played the drums well and my house won the competition, defending our house singing title.

As for this week, things will be less hectic but nevertheless, tiring.

• The junior's touch rubgy inter house competition will be starting this Wednesday. As for the seniors, there will most probably be training everyday till the senior's rubgy competition. =(
• The term examinations are only about 4 weeks away and I'll be starting my serious studying soon. I need to make sure I do well.
• Lately, my spiritual life has kinda gone down the drain. Please do pray for me to wake up and rediscover my love for my Lord.
• I just sat for my physics, chemistry, math and stats exams. I got 70% for chem and I think that I did fairly well for my physics. As for my math, I think I screwed up a little but I did quite well for my stats. Pray that I'll get good results.
• There will be a parent-teacher meeting this friday. My parents will most probably be coming and will be meeting my teachers. I just hope that I won't be lectured too much by my parents.
• There will be an exeat this weekend, meaning that I'll be back home this weekend.
• On sunday, there'll be a social meeting for the parents and teachers of Nadzimuddin house. My parents will be attending the social meet too.

That's all for this week. Till next week, don't forget to pray for me, Salam sejahtera.

Full stop..

The end of each sentence is punctuated by a full stop. It is said that every beginning has an end. As for me, I know that my life here on earth can be quantified by years, months, weeks and days. The fact is, though I feel I'm getting healthier, I am actually dying this very second. For my time on this wonderful and beautiful earth is limited and the clock is still ticking. The full stop of my life is drawing closer and closer every day.
It brings me to wonder, what exactly am I on earth for? Why exactly do I exist in the first place? Why does mankind even exist? How can it be that man has existed for such a long period of time and no one knows why we are here? Where can I find the cause and reason of my existence? It is said that man existed on earth for millions of years already. If so, how come nobody has yet to discover our origin? After millions of years, we are still left clueless about our source of life? If man is so smart, then how come we have yet to know for sure where exactly we come from? There are just so many questions that linger in my mind that not even all the intellects in the past decades can answer. So, what exactly is the purpose of life?
In such a screwed up generation, is there any purpose for living anyway? Every day, robberies, kidnaps, murders and thefts occur. Every single day and not one day escapes where the whole world is at peace. Not one damn single day. Is there anyone that can say that there is a purpose living in this world? Is there anyone who can say that it is worthwhile living in such a horrid place?
I battled the thoughts in my mind for quite a time already. All I got was nothing. Nothing could give me answers. I searched myself hoping that I might discover the answers. I didn’t. Nothing of and from this world can give an answer. Because the reason I’m here is not of the world.
It came to my understanding that my existence here on earth is for a purpose- a purpose that continues to manifest itself to me day by day even as I undergo my daily routines. The eventual outcome of this purpose, I have yet to know. What I do know is that my great objective is not one that I have chosen, but one that God has chosen for me. I am not toiling for my own sake, but for God who has called me according to his purpose. Every single thing I go through, every single thing I experience and every single thing I endure is for the ultimate purpose- to glorify God.
Knowing that the day of my departure for the afterlife draws near, I am given time to achieve the purpose to which I have been called to. I dare say that the time given me is more than I asked for- My lifetime. I am called to deny myself, take up my cross daily and follow Jesus. The task given to me is fairly easy, as my Lord has already given me all I need for my long and perilous journey in achieving my task. Most of the times however, I choose not to utilize what is given to me. I rather do things my own way. It is then that I realize that things are going wrong. However when I do rely on God's providence, things turn out for the better.
If I’m given a lifetime to achieve the one purpose I’m here existing on earth, why not give it a try? After all, I do have a lifetime to live. However, the twist to all of this is that I never know when my life will reach its full stop. All I know is that my days are limited and it is disappearing one by one. One fine day when I am called away by God, I am to give account for what I have done on earth.
There are just so many uncertainties in life- What’ll happen to my dog right up to what’ll happen to the whole earth. More importantly, I’m not sure when my life will come to its full stop. But the one thing that I do hope, is that my next sentence will begin in heaven and the sentence will never ever have to end.

Credits..

Usually at the end of movies, there is a section for "little thank you"s. This section is called credits. It is where the producers show their appreciation towards all who have helped in the production of the movies, directly or indirectly.
I would like to think my life as a "little" movie itself. I am the producer, the director, and also the filming crew. Therefore I would only think it fair that I too get my own slot for credits. A little slot for me to show my appreciation to those who have had an influence on me; making who I am today in a direct or indirect manner.

First of all, I would like to thank my family who have been a major help in times of trouble. What I am today is mostly because them; they moulded me a shaped me as a child and I grew up under their care.

Thanks to fellow friends and athletes in the race of life. They are a constant source of inspiration and of warm fellowship.

Thanks to my fellow comrades, brothers and sisters in christ, who continuosly pray for me day and night. Your prayers are well appreciated.

Thanks to my dog, Lucky. You have a special place in my heart.

Thanks to the guy who collects my garbage every now and then. You've given me a new outlook on life.

Thanks to Uncle Francis. You've thought me to appreciate life. I've learnt not to "sweat the small stuff" and I'll try my best to be content with it.

Thanks to Simon for your simple faith that continues to amaze me. Collin too- you've thought me many things that I'd never learn elsewhere.

Thanks to failure for waking me up from my slumber. Thank you for teaching me to buck up and pull up my socks.

Most importantly of all, thanks to God for his never ending grace towards me. Thank you too for divine reminders that life on earth is not all there is to life.

Me, Myself and I..

I've decided to rename the weekly updates as "Me, Myself and I. I would like to think that the title speaks of itself ; what is happening and revolving in my very own world. This week is a killer week. We'll be having many activities and I hope that I'll be able to keep up with it. Cross country will be this friday evening. Many people are hoping on me to deliver and secure a podium finish. Pray for me as I'm now having a slight flu and sore-throat. House singing will be on this Saturday night. I'll be playing the drums for my house. The song we'll be singing is "under the sea" (some Disney song..) But the beat is hard and I hope I won't screw up. Rugby training has been resumed and I just hope I won't be spent by Friday. I have a race to win. I got a miserable 30% for my chemistry. Looking from a brighter perspective, I got the 2nd highest marks for the exam in my class. The only higher mark than mine is 33%. =) I will be having a 3 weekly assesment this saturday for my statistics and I'll be having another for physics on Monday. God help me... My chemistry teacher is back after sustaining some injuries in a motorcycle accident. (he was missing in action for 2 weeks..) I've been physically and mentally stretched throughout the last week and I just can't wait for this week to end. At least, I'll have some rest. Stay tuned for next week's updates..

I hate to lose...

I hate to lose... But more often than not, I'm always on the losing end. Why? I don't know. Maybe I'm just plain unlucky.
The past week has been quite dissapointing for me. I encountered 3 major defeats. My basketball team lost all 3 matches in the inter-house competition. Of course its not that bad. But the worst part is that I was playing. We lost 36-26 to nadzaruddin, 37-24 to Imran and 37-26 to Naquiuddin.
The first match was great. Though we lost, we were up against the best team and we only lost by 10 points. I was red carded for making 3 consecutive fauls and had to seat on the bench just slightly before the 1/2 time. I was playing on form and I would think that we would have been able to win hadn't I play so aggresively.
The second match against Imran was a mentally discouraging game. I hardly scored any points. The opposition was tall and there was nothing I could do about it. I tried to keep the possesion of the ball but failed miserably. The worst was yet to come. Our center injured his ankle and it swelled up as big as a tennis ball. He's now in singapore having a medical examination in some hospital.
The 3rd match was a killer. We played so well that by 7 minutes into the game we were leading 20-4. I felt so confident that we'll win. To my dismay, everyone in the team got a little too exicted and we lost the ball a few times and from then on, the opposition kept on scoring. What a great shame. We lost in the end by a margin of 11 points.

My house lost all the games and there aint' no one to blame but the players. Of course, there were other factors involved, but ultimately no one could make us perform but ourselves. We could have done alot more better. We didn't. So now I stand with my shattered pride. I guess it'll take quite some time for my ego to heal ;)

Updates for 13th- 19th september..

The interhouse basketball tournament was held throughout this week. Just some updates on how my house did...

• We lost 36-26 to Nadzaruddin house. I got red carded for making 3 fauls.
• We lost 37-24 to Imran house. I got 2 fauls.
• We lost 37-26 to Naquiuddin house. I got another red card after 3 fauls.
• We lost all the 3 matches.. I have nothing more to say....

My brother went to a specialist to check out his kidney malfunction. Apparently, its fine and everything is ok. However, they have yet to find out why his pee is contaminated with blood. (must be some internal bleeding thingy)

I'm down with some flu and sore throat. I feel as if I'll be sick for a nother week or so. Please pray for me when you have the time.

Thats all for this week. Stay tuned and keep watch till next week. Salam mesra.

Still Learning..

Even as the days go by here in KTJ, I come to realise that I still have so much to learn about life. Yesterday was a lesson that I will remember. We were given a suprise physics exam 2 days ago. Yesterday, we got our results. Simply unbelievable. I got a miserable 22% for the exam.
Some of you might argue that grades are merely alphabets which carrry no meaning. But to me, its a great deal. This is the first time I've ever failed an exam. Even through tougher times, I've never failed to deliver. But this time, I was unvictorious.
And so I carry on with my ramblings. But nothing I say or do will change my grades. Its a blemish, a dark spot on my record and my reputation will definitely be tarnished.
Back to the point; its a lesson that life is teaching me. Its ok to fail, but for my own sake, Do something about it. There is no greater lesson than having to fail, for failure somehow teaches you more than anything else does. Indeed, things that hurt, instruct.
I am left to ponder about my recent failure. I could just give up and resent and despise Physics. But thats wrong. Behind every catastrpohe, I believe that there is a lesson to learn. Therefore, I stand confident that my failure will lead me to greater heights. I won't be discouraged, I won't lose heart and I won't give up. I can't.
I'm on a scholarship....

Updates...

Just a weekly update about what is going on.

• Junior basketball: We won Naquiuddin 21-12 and naquiah 34-7.. Imran and Nadzaruddin will be next...
• Senio basketball will be starting next week. Hopefully we'll be able to pull a miracle like the juniors did.
• I'll be going for the International Award expedition in Perak this weekend. It'll be a 3 day expedition in Banding resort..
• My brother, Markus is having a liver infection. So everyone, prayers are well appreciated. (Get the message?)

I guess that thats all for now.. More Updates next week.

Newly Baptised..

I've made the step to proclaim my faith to the world. I've just got baptised. I've been wanting to get baptised for quite a long time, say, 3 and a half years? Simply amazing why it took so long for me to get baptised huh? I was supposed to be baptised about 4 months ago but I was in RBS and I couldn't make it to the baptism.

During the 4 months since the last baptism, I have gone through many ups and downs in my life. I had drifted away from God. I experienced lonliness, mild depression and idleness. Nothing prepared me to go through the waters of baptism.

Then it came to my realization. I cant afford to make descisions based on my own personal feelings. If I'd continue to make emotionally drived descisions, I'll never be baptised because I'll never feel that I'll be ready. It is a sacrifice that I have to make on my behalf. So, I beat my body and make it my slave. I make concious efforts to remind and convince myself that baptism is good for me. And it is.

There are many hopes that I have for myself in the future. I want badly to be a good Christian, a faithful servant and I want very badly to live up to my proclaimation of faith. Most important of all, I want to glorify God with my life and maybe oneday, someday, someone will remember me as a person who loved God and lived for God. May the day come when people will look at my grave and see a testimony of God's grace in my life.

I want to leave a legacy of faith to this world. I want to encourage those who have fallen down, even when I'm no longer around. Every time someone's baptism comes around, I feel the urge to sing this song. Partly because I'm convicted that the lyrics are meaningful, but mostly beacuse the song speaks of my desire. I'd like to share a few stanzas from the song.

Surrounded by a cloud of many witnesses,
Let us run this race not only for the prize,
But to those who've gone before us,
Let them leave to those behind us,
A stirring testament of God's sustaining grace.

O' may all who come behind me find me faithful,
May the fire of devotion light the way,
May the footprints that I leave,
Lead them to believe,
And the life I live inspire them to obey,
O' may all who come behind me find me faithful.

When every thing we hoped for,
Has come and gone,
And my children sift through all that's left behind,
May the memories they uncover,
And the truths that they discover,
Lead them to the path that each of us must find.

Beauty

SAY not of Beauty she is good,
Or aught but beautiful,
Or sleek to dove's wings of the wood
Her wild wings of a gull.

Call her not wicked; that word's touch
Consumes her like a curse;
But love her not too much, too much,
For that is even worse.

O, she is neither good nor bad,
But innocent and wild!
Enshrine her and she dies, who had
The hard heart of a child.