Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Of all things that are beautiful..

Me and my friend were on the train back home the other day. We talked about many things; about our studies, about our friends and of course, about life itself. We came to talk about some people we knew, mostly friends from the same college. We talked about one particular person, I shall not name. A person so admirable not for the beauty on the outside, but in the inside.
She's different in many ways- she never swears, she doesn't get angry and she smiles all the time; just like a child. Maybe she's just innocent, and innocence can never be associated with beauty, for naiveity is merely lacking maturity. Most probably she is, and that's what I admire most about her- she's innocent.
When I was a little child, things were very much different from what it is now. I never used to worry, I was never afraid of people and I did things for myself (not in a selfish manner though). These days, I worry about almost everything possible. I'm afraid of people; I'm afraid I never live up to their expectations. I'm doing things do please everyone else save myself. I'm afraid of losing all my pride.
I've heard of a myth- it seems the older you get, the more horrible you'll be. Its not entirely true, but still there is some truth to it. (Apparently some of us live the myth). With age, our eyes open to the things we once never did care about. We desire to show ourselves as one approved and we do infinite things to prove our worth, albeit at the detriment of ourselves. We're no more the innocent child we once were.
Innocence has never ceased to amaze me. The more I think of it, the more I wish I had it. But the desire itself to gain innocence simply proves that I myself am not worthy of it. I know too much. Its almost as if that knowledge comes with the price of innocence. To a certain extent, it is true. The more you know, the more you're answerable to. Period.
At times, I just wish I could run away from the world to somewhere where I can be alone. There's just so much in the world that I don't want to see, yet I do. But running away doesn't solve anything. Sometimes, we just have to accept the world as it is- a crooked and depraved one. For in such a confused world only will innocence find its beauty.

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