Cerebral-Disarray

I've got a new blog...

2006-10-17T04:05:00.000+08:00

Hello all,

I have a new blog and at http://wild-wildwest.blogspot.com For all who have linked me to this website, I shall no longer be using it anymore and I apologize for the inconvenience. Do visit my new blog tho!! =D Have a nice day!

Actually, I'm kinda yellowish brown.. Most chinese are..

2006-04-14T11:23:00.001+08:00

Your true color is Brown!

What's Your True Color?
Brought to you by Tickle

Me, Myself and I..

2006-02-21T09:36:00.000+08:00

So its a new year. I have failed to post anything for almost a month and a half. Not even the photos of the hike. Somehow, blogging is losing its appeal. Anyway, so much has happened since the last post. I happen to be experiencing the more beautiful things in life and I tell you, it adds a whole new dimension to life. =)
Of course, there are downsides to life as well. I was told that all Petronas scholars will not be going to the UK. Instead, we'll be headed to Australia and New Zealand. I've chatted with some of the other scholars and they're all equally suprised. As for me, I can't explain how I feel exactly- a little sad and a little worried but not depressed. I'm not sure how things will work out, but I do hope that it'll be for the good. Sigh..
KTJ is wonderful. Especially right now when Nadzi is dominating the sports arena. After winning the Senior Boys Football, it was our 4th consecutive senior boys trophy. (rugby, basketball, cross-country and now football). Of course, we did get really lucky (or we're just blessed) and I can't say with full conviction that we deserved all the wins. Athletics is coming soon and hopefully, we'll be able to make it the 5th trophy.
Right now, life is great.. =) cheers.

I'll be doing the right course..

2006-02-11T09:29:00.000+08:00

You scored as Engineering. You should be an Engineering major!

Engineering

83%

Theater

58%

Chemistry

58%

Mathematics

58%

Philosophy

58%

Journalism

58%

Psychology

58%

Sociology

50%

Art

50%

English

50%

Biology

42%

Linguistics

42%

Anthropology

33%

Dance

33%

What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3)
created with QuizFarm.com

Me, Myself and I..

2005-12-28T20:01:00.000+08:00

Hrrmmpphh.. I got fined for not displaying my parking ticket. To be exact, for displaying it the wrong side up. It was something stupid to get penalized for, so I'm going to appeal to MPPJ. I was going out with my friends just for a few hours and I did buy a ticket which was still valid at the time they issued me the summon ( it wasn't valid by the time we finished). Anyway, such is life and life must go on.

I'm back from my hike up Mount Kinabalu. It was tougher than what people say it is. Nevertheless, it was relatively an easy hike as compared to Korbu. The trail up to the peak is wide, clear and short but it can get a little steep. Still, the trail is practically almost a staircase up to the peak. I went with a few friends and we took the Mersilau route; the unconventional route which also happens to be longer than the Timpohon route by 2 km. The first day, we hiked up to the rest house and stayed the night there. I must say that the cold was worse than the hike itself. Especially if you get your shoes soaked in the rain and you don't have gloves to wear. Even if you have gloves, it would still be soaked in the rain. The next day, we hiked up to the peak. We started at nearly 3 o'clock in the morning. We started off fine, untill it started raining. Since the trail to the peak is mostly stone, the rain water wouldn't soak into the ground, thus creating tiny waterfalls in our path, which meant that our shoes got soaked again. It was really cold in the rain and the wind was blowing hard. My fingers were numb so I didn't bother to hold the safety ropes. It was still a safe hike. I reached the peak maybe 5:45 or nearly 6 but there were rain clouds so there wasn't any sunrise. Anyway, I came down to KK the same day and spent the evening watching King Kong in the local cinema. The next day, I and my friends had an outing at the islands before heading to the airport for our return flight back home.

Christmas was really different this year as I wasn't part of this year's carolling team; I missed most of the training because my college term ended late. So this year, I was a spectator instead. My family had Christmas dinner at this funky food joint in the Curve called marche ( the e with a hyphen on the top, one of the umlauts. ) I found the place amusing and very interesting. It was like a market within the restaurant. Anyway, the food was good and we had a fun time. I got one of those really cool head lamps from my mom for Christmas. I really like it and I'm sure it'll serve me well in my hikes to come.

I still haven't post any pictures of both the hikes, but I will do so when I have nothing to write I guess. At least then, my blog will be updated on more frequent intervals. That's all for now. Let me wish everyone a Belated Christmas and a happy New Year.

Close Call..

2005-12-13T18:29:00.000+08:00

I went to play futsal with my church members yesterday. It was fun to catch up with them, it always has. Anyway, we went out for dinner after that. Initially, we wanted to eat in SS2, but since it was raining and we forgot that monday pasar malams are in ss2, we decided to eat in ming tian. (is that how you spell it?)
We ate, drank and we were merry. We watched the football highlights and I had to endure the anguish of watching the draw between Man Utd and Everton. I wanted to make my order in chinese, but I decided not to after remembering that I don't speak chinese. So, with my skillful bahasa skills, I ordered claypot chicken rice. Somehow the claypot chicken rice came in a plate, much to my suprise. Maybe it was my bahasa that put them off, or maybe they just serve their food without the claypot itself.
So, after dinner, I sent Shaun back home in BU 10, then I headed back home. At this corner, down the hill at summer palace, there were puddles of water and perhaps I was moving too fast. I decided to brake a little abruptly. And as I cornered, *poof* my car skidded and made a 360 turn. I was lucky there were no cars around. For a moment, I felt terrified but after that, I felt great. Sill I'm traumatized by the incident and when I was driving today, I couldn't help feeling scared that my car would skid. Surely it was a close call.

Me, Myself and I..

2005-12-08T17:38:00.000+08:00

I have succesfully not blogged for a month now. Many things have happen and many things are going to happen; the past months were more than eventful and christmas is approaching. There seems to be so much to write about yet I can't seem to muster the strength to do so. If I had to define myself in one word, I'd call myself "lazy".
My end term assesments are all over; no more tests for this whole year. I have not much reason to celebrate - I didn't do very well. My teachers must feel dissapointed with my results. Maybe next term, I will be able to produce better results.
My birthday was a blessing. My friends got me a cake and we had a celebration in the "tuck shop". I was almost suprised. I must say that it was a wonderfully delightful feeling to feel cared for and remembered. I'm surely grateful for friends, they're wonderful beings and I'd never trade them for any other. (They got me a little soft toy too) =D I am a year older, and hopefully a little wiser.
I just got back from a hiking expedition. We conquered Gunung Korbu and Gunung Gayong (gunung korbu's twin peak). The initial plan was to cross the Titiwangsa range i.e. from gunung korbu ( in perak) to cameron highlands, also known as "trans-titiwangsa". On the first day however, one of our team member was down with terrible cramps. So, we decided to only to hike up 2 of the 3 main peaks in the trans-titiwangsa route. I am a little dissapointed, but there's little that can be done. Maybe I'll be succesful the next time.
I will be hiking up gunung Kinabalu next week. People say that its an easy route but I'll be careful not to take their words for granted. I hope to be prepared for the hike next week.
Thats all for now. My lazy self is taking control. I shall return to post some pictures of the korbu hike.

2005-11-13T06:28:00.000+08:00

Me, myself and I..

2005-10-20T18:40:00.000+08:00

So much has happened since I last posted an article. Nadzimuddin won the inter-house rugby tournament as well as basket ball (totally unexpected). My brother, Markus has since left to the UK to study philosophy, politics and economy in the University of Essex. My dog has grown a little in size and yes, I still do patheticly at my exams. I guess some things don't change huh?
I have finally sent my UCAS form. For those who don't know, UCAS is the central application system to UK universities. I applied to do Mechanical Engineering in Imperial College, University of Bristol, University of Bath, University of Cardiff, University of Manchester and University of Nottingham. I do hope to get offered a place in the UK. Anyway, some of my classmates and coursemates went for the University of Cambridge interview today and they just arrived back at college. I'm sure that some of them will get offered a place. Then I can brag that I used to be classmates with a Cambridge student. =)
As I said before, my brother, Markus has gone for his tertiary education in the UK. Its funny how the house seems empty without him around. (eventhough I'm seldom at home) I'm sure his absence is dearly felt by my parents. You should see the sweetest things parents do just to hear from their child. My dad kept vigil all night (nearly 2 weeks ago) to check if my brother was online. In the wee hours of the morning, about 5:30 a.m. on a sunday, he finally saw my brother online and woke me up to ask me how to work the MSN messenger. =) I seldom see my dad this way- so excited and agitated.
I have a little math exam tomorrow on De Moivre's theorem. I'm sure it'll be interesting... I need all the help I can get.

-

"If you abide in me and my words abide in you, ask whatever you will and it shall be done for you."

-John 15:7-

Me, Myself and I..

2005-09-14T09:58:00.000+08:00

"There comes a period where you feel that everyone owes you something- a period that we feel we have the right to feel selfish and to care only for ourselves."

House singing was last saturday. Nadzimuddin didn't win. After weeks of toilsome labour and many long days, I expected at least a place in the top 3. It was dissaponting, frustrating and demoralising. I felt that Nadzi deserved some recognition at least. As a house, we weren't the best of singers; we would never match up to the other girl houses. Plus this time round, there was so much emphasis on singing- it totals up to 75% of the marks. So, I wallowed in my despair.
For the past week or so, I have been keeping up late to finish some work. Late night discussions about house singing wasn't helping my schedule either. Sleeping in class was soon becoming a norm. Because of that, my academic performance deteriorated. I can't keep up with my studies as much as I wished to. I'm sure I'm not the only one; in the past week, 2 other people in my class had an emotional breakdown.
Petty things seem to bother me. I just got back some of my exam results. It doesn't look too good. I'm feel as if I'll be falling sick soon.
Then again comes a period where you feel that everyone owes you something- a period that we feel we have the right to feel selfish and to care only for ourselves. There is always the temptation to succumb to pressure and to be as selfish as you wish to- not to give a damn about what other people feel and what they say; making sure you're safe for the least. Its so hard to remain composure and not to crumble under pressure.
But I'm alive, and I guess its ok to have a few bumps in the journey of life. People say what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. Now that house singing is over, at least I can breathe.

I wish for a week of holidays =)

-

The inter house rugby competitions just started. As defending champions, there is always immense pressure to keep the title. We were given a rude awakening yesterday when we were up against Nadzaruddin. We had a narrow win by 12-10. As a matter of fact, they were leading in the first half by 2 tries to none. I almost thought that we were going to lose. In the second half, we managed to get ourselves together. We scored 2 tries; one of them was by me. =) Hopefully, today we'll be successful again.

I'd like to end with a prayer that I learnt back in RMC. Its called the sportsman's prayer.

O God, please help me to win for I always want to win.
But if by thy inscrutable wisdom thou willeth me not to win,
then make me a good loser.
For when the scholar comes to write against your name,
He writes not that he won, or he lost,
but how he played the game.

I had fun though..

2005-09-04T00:22:00.000+08:00

I had a captain ball game on friday; one of those cell group ones. I hadn't exercised in a long time so I felt that it was a wonderful time for me to sweat it out. In fact, I was given a larger portion. I got into an accident with another player and I kinda tore my conjunctiva. It wasn't exactly nice to have someone poke their finger in your eye, especially if it means tearing the membrane that keeps your eye protected.

2005-09-04T00:07:00.000+08:00

I was blinded for a few minutes, not beacause I couldn't see, but because I just couldn't open my eyes.

2005-09-04T00:00:00.000+08:00

Up till now, my vision is still blurred. I can't get a focused image when only using my right eye. Hopefully, it'll heal in time for the inter-house rugby and basketball competitions.

Gunung Tahan Pictures..

2005-09-02T11:01:00.000+08:00

Finally, the long overdue pictures of the Tahan Expedition.

We were lucky to see sunrise. It rained heavily the night before and cleared the clouds.
The view is really magnificent. The thing about gunung tahan is that the surrounding mountains are significantly shorter than tahan itself.
From left: Nik Amir, Wan Azrin, Me and Keith

Me, Myself and I..

2005-08-11T23:39:00.000+08:00

College starts soon. I'm not happy, neither am I sad. I'm just lazy. All the packing gets a little tiring after a while. On the bright side, I'll get to see my wonderful homies again. =) Besides that I got the desired results for my AS level examinations; the results came out a few days ago.

-

The haze is really getting on my nerves. I feel so lethargic and restless. Maybe I'm just not getting enough oxygen. From my memory the last time we had the haze ( in year 97'), there was a really big hoo-ha over the whole matter. This time round, its really toned down eventhough its much worse this time. I'm confused. Period.

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I think that this holidays really is quite a sad one. With the haze and all, I really can't enjoy anything. Not only am I limited to the indoors, I have nothing to do. I'm left idle watching TV all day and reading the papers- its really frustrating having nothing to do. Despite all that, I think that its refreshing. Yes, it is. You don't get to sit at home watching tv and reading the papers everyday. =) Holidays are always fun.

Gunung tahan..

2005-07-24T20:24:00.000+08:00

Overseas trips are always fun. Where I went, the people speak a different language. Even the air smells different. They call that place Kelantan. Yeah. So my trip to Gunung Tahan finally brought me to Kelantan; I've never been there before. Anyway, about my trip..
So I'm still alive. =) I made it up and down Gunung Tahan. I don't have any pictures at the moment; they're with a friend. I shall post up some pictures as soon as I get them from my friend. I must say that it was an eventful expedition. Let me explain.
It was my third mountain expedition, as well as the third time I was running after the bus. However, this expedition was slightly different- it was my first running for the bus in the rain, with my dad. Yeah, my dad was running alongside me. I was caught in the traffic jam eventhough I started an hour earlier. So, my dad deceided that it was impossible to reach the bus station by car. We parked as close as possible, but I didn't really know where the bus stop was, so my dad accompanied me to the bus stop. When we reached, I discovered that it was the wrong bus stop. We ended up in pekeliling but I was supposed to be in perhentian putra. So, we ran back to the car, and my dad drove us close to perhentian putra, then he parked, I started running, in the rain. I did reach on time, but I didn't have the tickets; it was with another friend who was also caught in the traffic. In the end, we all made it. We boarded the bus just as the bus was leaving.
It was really eventful; besides running for the bus with my dad, it was also raining on the way up to the peak. We couldn't pitch up our tents because we didn't want it to get wet. (If it gets wet, we might get hypothermia trying to sleep in a drenched sleeping bag. Apparently some guy died trying this stunt) So, we waited 2 hours in the rain and with cold wind blowing mercilessly on our soaking bodies. It was really cold. But finally we managed to set up the tent.
The whole hike took only 3 days, contrary to our initial plans to do it in four. We were to depart back to kl by night train in Gua Musang. Just before the train departed, we stopped by KFC and had dinner. I was shocked to find that the cashier spoke perfect english with a slight tinge of english accent to her voice. You see, Gua Musang was in Kelantan. I expected the cashiers to speak their native language (I think they call it bahasa kelate). I guess KFC has done well to train their cashiers. Kudos to KFC for their efforts. Anyway, when we reached KL sentral in the morning, we had Big Breakfast in McDees. Yummy. Yeah, fast food back to back. Still, I lost quite alot of weight after OBS and the tahan hike. So, it kinda cancels out. =P

It works!! =)

2005-07-19T14:35:00.000+08:00

Ahh... so it does work (the blogger images thingy). Anyway, this was the picture when I fractured a part of my palm during rugby earlier this year... I've also realised that since the fracture, I can't stretch my right pinky as much as my left. I think I'm deformed..

Me, Myself and I..

2005-07-15T19:20:00.000+08:00

Its been quite a while since the last publication of "Me, Myself and I". Not that nothing has been happening around me lately, its just that I haven't found time to compile my thoughts to publish one entry of "Me, Myself and I". Anyway, here goes..
I thought that after a certain age, people mature and leave behind them their childish ways and feelings. Apparently not. I thought that I've matured beyond the point where I'm immune to the teasing of friends (no, not derogratory gossip , teasing as in childish teasing..) but I've just discovered that I'm not. For the past few days, some people has been teasing me about a girl in my class. Somehow, I've found it really disturbing and embarrasing. Maybe because I have more respect for her than I have for myself. I guess that I'm not as mature as I thought I would be. Maybe I'm immature. But I take pleasure in being more mature than my other friends who tease me.

-

I'm leaving to Gunung Tahan tonight. My bus leaves at 9:00. The expedition was oragnized by a friend form my college. If everything goes as planned, we'll be reaching tonight and the hike shall start tomorrow. That's IF everything goes according to plan. Its only natural that everything that we plan should happen, but at times, we are caught unaware when the unnatural happens. I've just been entertaining ideas for the past 30 minutes if this would be the last time I see home. Freaky? Yeah..
Should anyhting happen to me, may everyone that I've wronged in any way forgive me. May I leave with everyone good memories and not memories filled with grudge and hatred. More than ever, may the Good Lord forgive me for all my shortcomings.
Thinking about this makes me realise that I'm not ready to leave this wonderful earth. Not now. I've so much more to accomplish. I have yet to buy a car, a hom, climb the corporate ladder and get a family. Then again, is this what I'm really seeking for? Or is this something that this world has brought me to believe. When will I be ready to leave this earth? When I've maked my way all to the top? Will I be ever ready? Wow... I am overwhelmed. I'm probably searching for the wrong things all this while.

I've not much time till I leave for Gunung tahan.. Approximately 1 hour and 40 minutes. Please pray for me.

OBS..

2005-07-13T22:17:00.000+08:00

The 10 days in OBS is finally over. I must say that it was a really great experience having spent 10 days with friends. A rare experience by any standards.
The whole of the lower 6 form of KTJ were divided into 5 groups of 15. They called the groups watches; mine was called Mulu. In my group, we had 10 guys and 5 girls. (guys= Me, Karim, Kenneth, Sufian, Johan, Ryan, Afiq, Kresna, Gaston and Melvin, Girls= Fay Ying, Siti Hawa, Faezah, Syazwanie and Syazleen) Each watch had an instructor. Mulu was lucky to get Helen, a 19 year old gap student as our instructor. ( we didn't know she was 19 till she revelaed it on the last day) We started the first few days slowly, having do the rope course, introduction to kayaking, and many group activities.
I would think that the most fun and exciting part of OBS was the final expedition. We were to hike across the island of Pangkor and then kayak all the way back to Lumut. It was a 4 day expedition. Unfortunately, we got lost in the jungle on the first day itself. It was partially my fault as I was the navigator, but I take comfort in knowing that another group was lost with us. =) We spent the first night in the middle of the jungle, all the 30 of us. It was getting late so we had to pitch up our tents and start the fire to cook. However, we decided to improvise and make a canopy instead of pitching up tents to save space. Honestly speaking, I thought that the night in the middle of the jungle was completely refreshing. It brought back many memories of my RMC days and the camping expeditions we had.
The next day, we navigated our way out of the jungle to the beach. From there, we hiked up one last summit and down. We reached the campsite just before sundown. Our campsite was almost heaven. The beach was long and clean, there was a stream flowing out to the sea. Even the sea water was clear. We rested there for the next day before we kayaked back to Lumut.
The kayaking expedition was great. I was elected sea captain and I take great pride in being the only person that capsized throughout the journey. Despite the capsize, the whole team did well and we managed to reach lumut only after 6 hours of kayaking. (somehow whenever I'm incharge, things seem to go wrong =S)
The next day, we had our solo camp. On my part, it was the most wonderful experience in the whole course. We spent 2 days and a night in the jungle by ourselves without having to worry about anything at all. It was relaxing.
After the solo camp, we had a few activities and we had a barbeque on the last night.

-

Insights? Many. First of all, my group was filled with many strong individuals. I was expecting that we'd make a really strong team. I was wrong. Somehow, we weren't able to fully utilize the strengths of the many individuals to make the ideal group. During the final expedition, though fun and exciting, it was frustrating. Somehow, not everyone was giving their best to the team. Some people were selfish and decided to put themselves ahead of others. It was interesting to see the other side of people that I never knew before.
I also began to understand and know other people better as well. I had a particular watchmate that was a real team player. He's always there to help, always sacrificing for others and was really dependable. If it wasn't for him, I would have lost my sanity. I look at him and I find strength even when I'm tired. It makes me realize that sometimes, sacrifices must be made at the expense of ourselves for the better of others. Afiq, you deserve a special mention ( at least in my blog).
I had a long chat with a close friend of mine during the last night. We discused many things that happened throughout the whole course. That session of chatting was one of great importance. I realised that often I set too high expectations for anything. Whenever things are not up to my expectations, I get really annoyed. As for me, I must learn to compensate with others. I must understand that noone is alike; evenmore none like me. Learning is a tough process, but its nescesarry. Let me end with a witty quote by Doris Lessing.

"That what learning is. You suddenly understand something you understood your whole life, but in a new way. "

Prom night photos..

2005-07-01T21:20:00.000+08:00

I've finally posted up some pictues of prom night. Somehow the software couldn't work on the computers in the school library ( I couldn't post it up till I got home) Anyway, the theme for the night was "masquerade" but I couldn't find a photo of me wearing my mask. So I got a pohoto of some friends in their masks.

Me, Alex and Yvonne

2005-07-01T21:15:00.000+08:00

The theme for the night - masquerade

Me, myself and I..

2005-06-13T13:18:00.000+08:00

Not having to blog for a month was certainly refreshing. The exams weren't however. I think that the overall standards were increased by a little, so the papers were unusually difficult. Still, I feel dissatisfied. Not because the papers were hard, rather because I just didn't do my best. I wasn't as prepared as I should have been and I would think that I didn't perform the best of my ability. Period.
The prom night was last Saturday. It was a wonderful event. All the effort put into it really did pay off. It could have been better though (if I had been able to source some more sponsors), but most importantly, we did our best with the resources we had. (I'll post up the pictures some time soon)
We're having a football carnival in my college right now. My team however, isn't doing very well. Hopefully we'll make it to the semis, but from what I can see at the moment, Lady Luck just aint smiling down at me. =(

International Award Expedition..

2005-05-09T13:43:00.000+08:00

The Belum Forest- its really a nice place, especially if you're a nature lover. We spent most of the first day getting there; we left in the morning but reached in the evening. They called it Pulau Tali Kail (TKI) which was to be our base camp for the next 3 days. Shortly after we reached, we had a briefing at night, then we slept in one of the shelters provided.

The next day, we had a tiny advernture- kayaking. We were divided into groups and we kayaked in pairs. Our destination? Another island. We kayaked a little more than 4 hours in all, then we set up our campsite.

The next day, we broke camp at about 8, then we departed back to our base camp. We didn't kayak all the way back, we stopped a distance away and trekked for 2 hours back to TKI. It was great fun. We had a barbeque that night and some presentations by the different groups. We left for college the next day.

Being away from my books and college certainly was refreshing. On the other hand, I made new friends, and had lots of fun. In a nutshell, it was a great way to spend the weekend.

2005-05-09T13:40:00.000+08:00

This picture is me, trying to look really tired...

Me, Myself and I..

2005-05-06T16:03:00.000+08:00

I got turned down for a blood donation just now. I'm hurt. They say that anyone that has been living in the UK for more than 6 months between the period of 1990-1996 cannot donate blood due to some disease outbreak back then. C'mon all I want to do is to help.. Sigh..
Anyway, the exams are just a little over a week away. I shall restrain from blogging to accomodate for my new found hobby- studying. It feels really nice to see everyone so geared up to study; some of their eagerness must have rubbed onto me. (which is great)

-

I'll be playing my first hockey match after this. ( I hate hockey)

Me, Myself and I...

2005-04-28T13:41:00.000+08:00

So many things happened in the past week- however, not too many to mention. For starters, I played 2 rugby matches against KGV and OFS. The dudes from OFS were really huge and mean. Obviously we lost to them, but we won against KGV. I enjoyed it though, it was really physical.
My trial examinations are just over. About 2 hours over to be exact. I just had chemistry just now and it was quite easy. Math was hard, but statistics was easy, mechanics was ok. I just realised that the real exams are only 2 weeks away. Seems really near, but think again; 2 weeks is 14 days, or 336 hours, or 20160 minutes, or 1209600 seconds. A long time to go. I'll try worry later.
I got chosen to be school prefect. I'll be meeting with the school principal tomorrow morning. I don't know if I should feel excited about it. Honestly I am not excited, but the people around me prove to be a big influence on my feelings about geting such a coveted post.
Yeah, I'll be leaving to sniff some fresh air and place my soul in harmony with the great outdoors. My expedition to the Royal Belum Forest starts tomorrow. It sure'll be fun. Especially kayaking for 2 days and the fellowship with my fellow friends, of course.
I'll be attending OBS with all my schoolmates this june. Can't wait..

-

Yeah, that's about all. Will be back with more news..

Me, myself and I..

2005-04-23T11:18:00.000+08:00

Back at college, back to classes, back to the books. Back to where I started. Back to square one. It gets a little boring after a while- life that is. The great thing is that you have other friends that go through the same boring life as you do. Yeah, felllow KTJ students, I really do appreciate you.
I have mixed feelings about college. On one hand, I do enjoy the company and friends, the slow pace of life, the fresh air and the greenery all around. But of course, its a life that is restricted, a life without freedom, a life without excitement; a very predictable life. At times I do wonder, is life like this worth living at all?
Of course, that is not the crux of my post. I just felt like expressing my disbelief that the 2 week hols are already over and once again I'm back to my religious and sacred ritual of reading chemistry text books.
The exams are sooner than expected. I tried to schedule my "study time-table" and realised that its only 22 days left to my major exams. Scary? hell yeah.. It sure is.
I'll be going on a expedition to BELUM forest next weekend with a whole big group of people. Its a big risk I'm taking considering the fact that my exams are just a little more than 3 weeks away. Of course, going out for an expedition like this will help me release all the examination stress, or so I rationalize.
Hockey is a fun game. I've just started learning the game and there'll be an inter house tournament about less than 2 weeks from now. I don't know if I qualify to play for my house, but I sure would like to try it out. (the bad side to the game is, you get terrible back aches after playing for long periods of time)
Studies are going full speed ahead. It feels great. I'm satisfied.

Signing off now.. Cheers..

The end is near..

2005-04-16T12:50:00.000+08:00

The holidays are coming to an end; all I do nowdays is regret how I should've spent my last two weeks. Regretting is about the only thing I do now days. Regreting not studying, regreting not enjoying, regreting not excercising enough.. Life is full of regrets.
College starts in 2 days and there still are piles of homework to be done. It wouldn't have been the case if I had spent more time on my homework and not lazing around.
On the ligther side, I'm going back to college. I'll be returning to the slow pace of life back in Mantin, where I wake up to have breakfast and where there is greenery all around me. It really is quite a beautiful place, it is.
A new term awaits me. A time devoted to the sacred study of chemistry and physics and math, a time where I put aside my hedonistic lifestyle. Ultimately, its a time for me to buck up. I need to do something about my academic incompetency.
Its time the holiday ends. The end is near..

The worst is over...

2005-04-14T11:16:00.000+08:00

The worst is over. I will live to see happier days. Indeed I will and I shall.

-

I've recovered from the food poisoning that has plagued me for the past week and a half. Oh what joy. =)

On a losing streak...

2005-04-12T01:32:00.000+08:00

I just came back from the IIUM annual inter school debates. RMC and St. Xavier's institution were in the finals. We lost. Again.
Oh well.. Its hard to be gracious in defeat, but the debaters put on their best attitude today and I thought it was praiseworthy. Eventhough we lost, it certainly was a tremendous display of courage put on by the RMC boys.
We started off strong, but somehow, we ended a little shaky. Maybe that caused our defeat. St. Xavier was the total opposite. They started shaky, but ended strong. It was a good debate.
We've lost last year's dato wira finals and PPM finals. Now we've lost this year's UIA open finals. We're on a losing streak.

-

Debates are always exciting to watch. However, I do notice that at times the debates are totally fiction. It will never happen in real life and it seems that debating is a real waste of time. Sometimes debates are just so fictional, it becomes naive. In this sense it becomes rather boring and predictable.
People often look at technical flaws instead of the fundamental flaws, but its the fundamentals that matter the most. Besides that, sweeping generalizations and strereotypical statements are made all the time.
Ultimately, it boils down to how you argue your case out. In the end, its not going to make a difference. It never will. The world will remain as it is. Debates never finds a solution. It creates one that is idealistic, but nevertheless, impractical in real life.

-

Its hard to keep on losing. Although I strongly believe that losing is a wonderful teacher, sometimes we get disheartened when we put in so much effort yet reap so little benefit. In times like this we give up.
However, giving up is the wrong thing to do when there is still hope. As long there is hope, there is no reason to give up. On my part as an OP, RMC debaters, I cheer you on. Victory shall come, its just a matter of time.

Busted...

2005-04-09T07:41:00.000+08:00

After all my traffic offences that went off unpaid for, I've finally got busted. I made an illegal turn at bangsar on the way to midvalley. Seconds later, I see a police car tailing me. Drats..
If you've never had a police car tail you, its quite an intimidating experience. Initially, when I saw the police car closing in from my rear view mirror, I thought he was rushing to a crime scene. But when he signalled for me to pull over, I knew I was busted. I was asked to pull over, and he checked my driver's liscense and my IC. Then he checked my car for anything illegal items/substances.
Its a silly crime to get caught for. I am filled with regret. I should've done it the right way. Sigh....
Anyway, it was only after I got busted that I started entertaining thoughts of giving the cops some fun. I should've sped of and let them chase me =). (I wonder what they'll do to me after that.)
Its a traumatizing experience. I was pretty upset about it initially, but after reassuring talk with friends and family, I was convinced that it wasn't that bad an offense (thanks buddies, owe you people alot) . At least, I didn't get into an accident.
To those who are wondering if its safe if I'm behind the wheel, of course it is. I'm a wonderful and careful and conservative driver. And if you happen to be sitting beside me in the car, you can help me look out for flashing sirens. =)

Me, myself and I..

2005-04-05T12:10:00.000+08:00

I had a few of my old friends stay over the weekend. It was great fun having them around, especially when you've not seen them in ages. They're both with MAS now, studying engineering under MAS scholarship. We couldn't decide where we wanted to go fro breakfast, so guess where we ended up?

Good time, great taste, thats why this is our place- at Mc Donalds.

Yea, we had breakfast at Mc Dees.

I don't have an agenda for this week actually. I need to study more than anything else. (The exams are just round the corner, and I'm getting closer and closer to the corner... ) Of course, studying so hard really isn't my cup of tea.
Apart from the books, I'll be going to see the UIA debates this friday. Don't get me wrong, I'm not an avid fan of debates, I'll be going just to support some of my juniors from my previous school. Hopefully they debate well.
Apart from that, I don't think I'll be doing anything worthwhile - maybe going for a little holiday to KL on my own for a few days.

Tattoo?

2005-04-04T21:32:00.000+08:00

Oh well.. Its not a tattoo. =) This was the bit that wasn't really meant to be published in the first place. Anyway, I'll just leave it as it is. Someone try guess what those funny looking characters are..

Its good to be home...

2005-04-03T13:34:00.000+08:00

Indeed it is. There is no other place like home- the place we grumble the most, and treated the best. It feels wonderful to be home.
There hasn't been alot to catch up with. The dog is still as it was when I left it weeks ago ( it has grown slighty though) . The bedrooms, still as comfortable as before. Of course, there has been some change- a couple of new pictures hanging on the wall. Apart from that, it feels exactly how home should feel like.
However, coming back to civilization seems really akward. I kinda miss the quiet and dull town of Mantin back in college. Life seems to be going at a slower pace when I'm there. Maybe I'm just living life at a faster pace here, in the city. Either way, I'm gonna need sometime to adjust.
The term break last for 2 weeks; 2 weeks to detach myself from college and from all the other students. Hopefully this 2 weeks will prove to be a rejuvenating experience.
Unfortunately, there is so much that needs to be done during this 2 weeks. I think that I'll end up slogging my way throughout the two weeks instead of enjoying it the way its supposed to be done. My trials are just after the holidays and my finals- right after my trials. That means I gotta study really hard. I'll also be approaching nearly 20 companies seeking financial aid for my college's Prom Night in the next 2 weeks (I only have 2 weeks before going back to college). Hopefully, I'll get some sponsors. It feels terrible when all your efforts contacting companies never materialize. Rejection in certainly something I need to learn to live with.

-

As a teenager, I've always had a sensitive nose. I used to be able to smell the haze, I still do. The air here in the city smells stale. I wish to retreat to somewhere closer to nature for a few days; possilbly Cameron Highlands. I'll try work something out..

Its been a while..

2005-03-29T13:33:00.000+08:00

Yes it has. Its been a while since I last blogged anything worthwhile reading about. The past week has been rather frustrating. But I've learnt alot in the past week. I've learnt to put up with people, I've learnt to be nicer to people, and of course, to forgive.
I've been feeling irritated with a close friend of mine, for a little while now. I hate to say it, but I went on an all out campaign to show my irritation and frustration. I kept silent whenever I was near him, or whenever he spoke to me. Of course, in the period of 4 days or so, he must have gotten the message and we sorted things out.
I must say that it was a stupid thing for me to do; immature, insensible- plain stupid. But I have learned alot. I've learned that no two people are the same, no two people have the same expectations for something, and no two people can always agree on everything. We all are different, and starting on the premise that all people are the same breeds conflict.
On my part, I was wrong. I hate to admit, but yes, I was. I just couldn't cope with myself and the situation I was in. I couldn't understand that some people in the world aren't as ideal as one should be- and I got really frustrated.
But learning is always a tough process, at least tough enough to make a significant impact in my life. I should never live to gratify my instantaneous desires- desires to prove myself right, desires to show superiority. In the long run, its gonna hurt me bad.
Yet again, life has handed me a wonderful lesson never to be forgotten. It hurts, but it's worth it. The things that hurt instruct. And I am, now, a wiser me.

Me, Myself and I..

2005-03-22T13:34:00.000+08:00

Its always hard when you're always feeling down. The worst part- it doesn't seem to go away. It feels sick; and I'm sick of being sick.
Exams are just about 7 weeks away. I just got my monthly assessments- at the rate I'm going, I won't be getting the desired results. Time to buckle up and start studying really hard.
My mom visited me the last weekend. I asked to check the swell on my hand (it hasnt' yet heal completely) It seems that I had a fractured bone. I don't know how exactly I manage to last all this time. Its healing already, so there won't be any need to have an X-ray or to see a doctor but there is still a lump on the back of my palm.
Anyway, its only 2 weeks to the end of this term. Then I shall be having a 2 week break. After the break- only 3 weeks to my exams. I'm screwed.
The athletics meet has already started. I'll be running the 1500m today. I don't feel fit to run at all. Then on Monday I'll be running the 400m relay. Its gonna suck.

That's all for now. I can't think of anything else to complain about. =)

Me, Myself and I..

2005-03-16T13:36:00.000+08:00

Time and time again, I get the feeling that blogging is just a big waste of time. I feel it becoming more of a burden than a pleasure; maybe because I'm just not connected to my emotions and my mental faculties. Possilby. Anyway, as expected, the past week has come and gone without making any significant impact on my life. I'm still pretty much who I am. There were one or two things that were really interesting though..
Ever admired someone so badly but seem invisible to that particular person? Well, I was. Note- I was. But I no longer am. =) It feels great. But thats about it. Nothing really amazing.
This week:

I just had my chemistry exams. It was bad. I'll be having math tomorrow. Its gonna get screwed real bad. =(
I've discovered- I'm no longer fit to run. Not at a competetive level at least. I've grown a lot in the past year.(side ways that is)
I'm getting the flu. It doesn't feel nice. I'll stay alive though..

Signing off now.. Cheers..

Me, Myself and I..

2005-03-09T08:16:00.000+08:00

The past week was rather relaxing. I went back home for the weekend and took a chill pill. Feels great just chilling out. Lucy, my dog, had her ears cropped. Hopefully it'll turn out nice. Mom's birthday was on Friday, but we celebrated it on Sunday- we went to a japanese buffet. I didn't really like the food, but it was ok.
Forecasts of the week:

It'll be a boring week. I'm not sure if there'll be anything worth blogging about.

the end..

Me, Myself and I...

2005-03-01T13:26:00.000+08:00

Its been an eventful weekend. We had a rugby match against Victoria Institution and Sekolah Teknik Tuanku Jaafar. Winning VI certainly felt like sweet revenge.(RMC lost to them in the debates last year) However, we lost against SSTJ. They were really good.
Disaster struck again this time. Just 5 minutes into the game agaisnt SSTJ, I got injured. I tackled someone and we both fell. I was trampled on by an oncoming teammate and my right palm got stepped on- I got substituted. My palm looks pretty much like a baloon now. Its bloated up and bruised (possibly a ruptured vessle). I'll post up pictures when I get them downloaded onto my com. One thing I learnt from this injury- my left hand can do much more than I give credit to.
This week:

Studies are a constant source distress that teases my conscience. I hate to admit, but I am afraid of the exams. Its slightly less than 2 months from now.
The athletics meet is in 3 weeks time. Training has already started. I'll most probably be taking part in the 800m, 1500m and 4x400 relay. If all goes well, I'll be able to win myself some medals =)
Its hard to explain how I really feel. In short, I'm tired- too tired to elaborate...

Valentine's Weekend..

2005-02-20T14:26:00.000+08:00

I've just discovered that time is not constant. It varies from place to place. In my college, it seems that we're 5 days late as compared to the rest of the world. Valentine's Day was on Saturday and we had a gathering which we call "Valetine's Social Night".
It wasn't the conventional Valentine's celebration. We had a a moblie disco brought in by some deejay from Nuvo ( I think) . Anyway, I didn't buy a ticket, so I didn't get to enter the hall which was turned into the dance floor. However, I did get to see many boys and girls walking and talking with each other, seemingly nonchalant to everything else in their paths.
At times like this, its hard not to feel left out and lonely. Although there wasn't any reason for me to feel lonesome, yet the feeling was evident- I couldn't escape the fact. It amazes me how the mind plays tricks on you. Even more amazing, is how people can be so exclusive in their relationship with others.
I've seen many couples together. It really is interesting to see how different people cope with their relationships. Some people are dead serious, some are just fooling around. Some are overprotective, some don't care less. Most of them however, are superficial relationships. Of course, some of them are just very good friends.
Friends- I wonder what I'll do without them. I have many friends, some of them who are girls of course. We talk, we chat and we spend a great deal of time together. We're really close. However, it is particularly hard to be close friends with the opposite gender without involving the romantic aspect to a relationship (or rather, the desire to be romantic) . It has brought me to wonder "Is it possible for a people of opposite sexes to be intimate friends and remain intimate yet only as friends?".
There are a thousand reasons to believe that it is possible, or it is impossible. However, debating over the issue is not close to the heart; an intellectual arguement won't bring solutions. If yes, it'll be great. If not, it doesn't matter anyway. (does it?)
Relationships can be a really touchy subject. But there are so many questions that have been left unanswered, my question for example. The idealistic answer of course, is to have a meaningful relationship, irrespective of what level you take it to. But more often than not, we fall short of being ideal.

-

This subject is one that I can't truly comment on much; I am lacking and have so much to learn. I am perplexed. Blogging about this certainly feels liberating. Hopefully someone share their opinions. That's all for now, Happy Belated Valentines..

Of all things that are beautiful..

2005-02-15T19:01:00.000+08:00

Me and my friend were on the train back home the other day. We talked about many things; about our studies, about our friends and of course, about life itself. We came to talk about some people we knew, mostly friends from the same college. We talked about one particular person, I shall not name. A person so admirable not for the beauty on the outside, but in the inside.
She's different in many ways- she never swears, she doesn't get angry and she smiles all the time; just like a child. Maybe she's just innocent, and innocence can never be associated with beauty, for naiveity is merely lacking maturity. Most probably she is, and that's what I admire most about her- she's innocent.
When I was a little child, things were very much different from what it is now. I never used to worry, I was never afraid of people and I did things for myself (not in a selfish manner though). These days, I worry about almost everything possible. I'm afraid of people; I'm afraid I never live up to their expectations. I'm doing things do please everyone else save myself. I'm afraid of losing all my pride.
I've heard of a myth- it seems the older you get, the more horrible you'll be. Its not entirely true, but still there is some truth to it. (Apparently some of us live the myth). With age, our eyes open to the things we once never did care about. We desire to show ourselves as one approved and we do infinite things to prove our worth, albeit at the detriment of ourselves. We're no more the innocent child we once were.
Innocence has never ceased to amaze me. The more I think of it, the more I wish I had it. But the desire itself to gain innocence simply proves that I myself am not worthy of it. I know too much. Its almost as if that knowledge comes with the price of innocence. To a certain extent, it is true. The more you know, the more you're answerable to. Period.
At times, I just wish I could run away from the world to somewhere where I can be alone. There's just so much in the world that I don't want to see, yet I do. But running away doesn't solve anything. Sometimes, we just have to accept the world as it is- a crooked and depraved one. For in such a confused world only will innocence find its beauty.

Me, myself and I..

2005-02-14T13:33:00.000+08:00

The hols were great- I had a wonderful time, relative to the dull life in KTJ. Sad to say, I could have been more productive, yet I wasn't. Chinese New Year was splendid; good food, great friends, nice relatives and ultimately of course, good money. It makes me feel so "Chinese".
My family and I went back to my parent's hometown on the second day of the new year. We left in the morning. First, we went to Taiping and visited some of my dad's brothers and sisters (my uncle and aunts). We rested a little, and proceeded to Penang after dinner. I must say that both Taiping and Penang has changed alot since last year. Now there's a highway right in front of my aunt's home in Penang.
The next day, we came back to Taiping for the reunion dinner. Its nice to see more and more of my cousins getting married. (extra income for me..) Anyway, the dinner was held in one of the more famous restaurants in Taiping. The food was great, though not the best I've ever tasted. It doesn't really matter tough; perfection never appeals to me when it comes to food.
Some of the youths from my church came to Taiping from Ipoh to join us(17 of us, icluding my siblings and me). We went to the night safari after the reunion, then we played with fire crackers. We spent alot of money on the crackers (nearly 200 ringgit) and it sure did hurt when we lit them up one by one. I came home the following day.
This week:

I got some of my exam results back. Not bad.. Not bad at all..
Its valentine's day today. No comments. (its hard to have any when it doesn't really involves you)
There'll be a valentine's gathering this saturday. I'll probably be selling goodies and stuff. Wonderful way to celebrate huh? I thought so..

p/s: have you heard John Mayer's "Daughters"? I think its really cathcy, but the lyrics are a little crappy..

The Chinese dilemma...

2005-02-10T01:28:00.000+08:00

There are a million ways to usher in the year of the cockrell. Some people play with crackers, some people make new year's resolutions, others have reunion dinners. Somehow, this year seems to be a year of unconvention for me.
After the family dinner, me and my brothers were really bored so we decided to go get some fire crackers to liven things up a little. We drove for half an hour but to no avail. So we returned home. On the way back home, we bumped into some of my old buddies at the field near my house- we decided to play basketball. We really had fun.
An hour and a half after that, an old friend called me out for supper. I thought it would be a good idea. We went to Mc Donalds at 12. I discovered that I'm not the only one who enjoys ushering the new year eating fries and drinking coke at our favourite fast food outlet. Considering the fact that it was already late, I would say that there were many people. Anyway, I had a great time chatting with my friend.
Putting aside all the fun I had, I wonder if celebrating Chinese New Year in this manner is too radical- while my other chinese counterparts are busy back at home fulfilling their racial obligations, I'm playing basketball and having supper at McDees. Is my identity being diluted by not conforming to the traditions of my forefathers? Am I being less and less "chinese" in any way? Or am I just excited to celebrate Chinese New Year without being influenced by anything "chinese"?
Possibly yes. The fact that I've never identified myself with any race has to count for something. I grew up in an english speaking family; I can't speak chinese. I spent most of my adolescence amongst malays. People think I'm Sarawakian. I just don't fit in. Maybe I'll fit in sooner or later. Maybe I won't at all. For all you know, I might be the founder of a new race- the "I'm not sure which race I am, coz I don't belong anywhere" race.
But then again, being chinese isn't about fitting in. Its like a complimentary feature that comes with the package. You don't get to choose (life never is fair). I was chinese yesterday, I am chinese today and I'll still be chinese 20 years later. I dont' have to identify with it to be one. I am one. (just a little more liberal, that's all)
Enough said about being chinese or not. It gets really confusing after sometime. For conclusion's sake, I'll just call myself a liberal chinese. And I think its good that way because I'm still getting the red packets. And as long as those red packets keep coming, I'll be more than glad to be chinese. Its my gift, and my curse.

Mc Donalds, Bandar Utama- We just can't live without it..

The orge in the pit..

2005-02-08T10:42:00.000+08:00

Once upon a time, there was a white knight looking for adventure. He came to a village where legends told of a terrible orge in a pit. Bravely the white knight took up the challenge. He would do battle with the terrible orge in the pit. The people remembered several courageous men who had climbed down into the pit, but none of the champions returned.
The white knight stood looking at the deep dark hole. The opening was so narrow that he stripped himself of armor and all unnecessary clothing. He took only a long dagger, which he tied around his neck with a leather strap. After securing a rope at the opening and testing it's strength, he gripped it firmly and began lowering himself, hand under hand, letting the rope slip between his feet. Soon he felt the smooth cool floor of the chamber. It took several minutes for his eyes to adjust to the darkness, but soon he focused on a large mound. Then he realized it was the bones of his predecessors, along with their assorted weapons. A little way off, he spotted another mound, but he wasn't sure what it was.
Suddenly, he was suprised by the inhabitant of the pit- suprised beacuse he didn't anticipate the orge would be only as tall as a rabbit. The orge raised it's arms and screeched with it's squeaky voice, trying to appear as fierce as possible. The white knight picked up a sword from the floor and prepared battle, but as quickly as a rat, the orge ran into a hole near the second mound.
The white knight followed and the second mound became clearer and again he was suprised. Before his eyes glittered balls of gold as big as grapefruit and diamonds as big as plums. With only a small part of that treasure even a commoner would be a prince for life. THe orge lost it's importance in view of this great treasure. But the knight had a problem. How would he carry it out of the hole? He had no pockets. Who would believe him if he didn't bring back at least a piece?
He suddenly had and idea. He would take one of the diamonds in his mouth and carry it all the way until he climbed out of the hole. He could always come back later for the rest. Hurriedly he chose one of the larger diamonds. It fit comfortably in his mouth and he began the ardous climb out of the pit, hand over hand, gripping the rope with his feet. Higher and higher he climbed untill the heavy exertion began to render him breathless. He would have to breathe through his mouth in order to get enough air. As he took a large gulp of air, the diamond slipped and stuck in his throat. The white knight choked on his treasure, lost consciousness and fell to his death on the mound of bones below.

You see, the terrible orge in the pit was not the little troll. It was greed; greed in the hearts of men who desire easy treasure and the hope of unearned gain. The glitter of this world choked him to death.

-author unknown-

Me, myself and I..

2005-02-08T10:32:00.000+08:00

Its amazing how home really feels like home. Its great to be back. Chinese New Year is just round the corner; this means extra pocket money. Giving red packets really is a wonderful custom. (I wonder who came up with the idea?)
How I'll be spending my hols:

I'll be going back to my parent's hometown in penang and taiping on thursday. I'll be coming back on saturday. Personally, I don't really feel like it but its more of an obligation than anything else.
A week of holidays is a wonderful way to chill out from anything to do with college. I feel great. Homework, on the other hand, has to be done...

Bits and pieces of me...

2005-02-02T13:45:00.000+08:00

Back biting is a terrible habit that seems not to dissapear with time contrary to my other childish behaviours. As a matter of fact, it gets worse day by day. When the new year started, I made myself promise that I'll never back bite. At least I tried. But the devil within me is overwhelming. I tend to back bite even with a clear conscience. So much for wanting to understand emotions and understanding the reasons to it. I guess that my resolutions don't mean anything anymore. (evil laugh in a distance...)

-

Indifferent. Its the one word that would express my whole being. Nothing really seems to excite anymore. It seems as if excitement itself has lost its essence. The once so colourful life seems to be fading into specks of blurry grey. At times I feel lonley even when I stand amongst many friend. At times, I'm empty within even when I laugh and joke. My brain feels numb. Maybe I'm just not getting enough sleep, or maybe I'm just a little stressed out.
In times such as these, its hard to see the abundance that life has to offer. My vision is clouded by worries that seem to be haunting me;I worry too much. I get really frustrated by the most petty things. I seem to be losing my temper more often. Life seems distant.

-

I seem to be sufferring from low self esteem. Especially when it comes to math. Exams are just over and the questions were really tough (or I am really stupid). Maybe both. Math never used to be so tough. Maybe the 8 months of doing nothing prior to a-lvls is taking its toll.
I should be sit beside someone really stupid. Maybe then, I'll be able to boost my self esteem. As fate has it, The person to my right is a genious at math and on my left, is a really hardworking student- they're not helping my esteem level. The other option of course, is to work really hard at my math.

Its a tough choice. I'll probably stick to sitting beside someone dumb.

Me, Myself and I..

2005-01-31T13:41:00.000+08:00

If there's any one word to describe the past week, I'd say it was tiring. The football competitions are now over and I'm suffering from the after effects of straining myself a little too much. I guess that my fitness level has somewhat dropped significantly. Anyway, we lost, won and drew one match. Of course, we didnt' win, but it was really fun.
Saturday evening was a fun filled night. They call it "six form entertains". Basically, its pretty much like a small show where the six formers are called to entertain the rest of the school. I must say that its been a delightful job to do. We did many musical performances and many sketches. I myself joined the choral speaking group and we presented "little red riding hood" by Roald Dahl. But I also got the opportunity to be on stage just before every presentation. No, I wasn't the master of ceremony, I held a much more important role. I was the stage crew. Though we handle the more petty aspects of making sure the night was great, I think that we deserve just as much as everyone else. Plus, if it wasn't for the stage crew, we'd never had such a succesful evening.
This week:

Athletics training is will be starting soon. Its been a long time since I last competed in an athletcis meet. Hopefully my limbs will be able to keep up with my desire to run. I'll have to remember not to stuff myself during the new year hols.
The Chinese New Year hols are just round the corner. I can't believe that I'll be away from school for a week. How then will I live without my books and all the homework? I'll surely be missing school. (Yeah right)
My brother is finally out of the hospital. He's been having dengue for the past week. Hopefully he'll have a speedy recovery.

That's all for now. without wax-Spilinmy

Me, Myself and I..

2005-01-27T13:48:00.000+08:00

I feel life coming back to my body. It feels so liberating to be under no pressure now that the dinner that was to be organized is already over. I must say that it turned out pretty well despite the fact that it was a little rushed. People were happy, they got what they wanted, so I'm happy. Which of course is a good thing. Now I can focus more on my studies.
I forgot to mention that the inter house football has already started. I must say that its a miserable start for my house in particular. We lost 2-0 in the first game. Both goals were give aways and on my part, I feel really frustrated that we didn't play well as a team. But its all over, we lost one game and we only have another 2 games left. The next game will be played today. Hopefully, we'll play a much better game.
I just sat for my internal chemistry and physics examinations. It wasn't as tough as I thought it would be. Maybe I was just prepared.
This week:

The inter house football competitions will last till the end of this week. Hope for the best results.
I'll be having examinations soon. I'm really studying hard at the moment.
The chinese new year hols are coming soon. I really look forward to it. I need some time to chill out. =)

The Change you want to see..?

2005-01-22T13:37:00.000+08:00

Its a question I ask myself again and again. I yearn to see many things change in my life; how I relate to people, how I should live my life..etc. More than that, I desrire to see change in the world. I long to see people change their ethos. I long to see all the suffering in this world dissapear. However, its just overwhelming. I desire so much but I can do only so little. There's just so much to change in this world that at times, I wonder if it is worth all the time and effort. We sow many seeds, but reap little.
I've always imagined if all the kings and all the leaders would come to a perfect understanding with each other. We'd reach a social equilibrium and we'll be living in utopia. If this were to happen, the world will see the change that is so direly needed. Unfortuantely, this will never happen. We're all different, and at one point or another, we will think differently.
I've come to realise that the world won't be changing anytime soon. The world is still in a mess as it has always been. Never did I sleep knowing that tomorrow will be a better day neither did I wake to find the world a better place. With all these around us, we wonder if there is any solution to the problem we face. We just can't wait for a saviour to save us from the wrath that readily awaits us.
Gandhi once said "Be the change you want to see in the world." I couldn't agree with him better. There are some things that others just can't do for us. That includes changing ourselves. When Dr. Mahathir gave his last speech after serving Malaysia for 2 decades, he apologized for not being able to change the ehtos of the nation. Change is a lengthy and tough process . Unless we take the initiative to start now, we'll never start at all.
Far in my mind, I can only imagine how the world would be like when we've finally found peace. There'd be no fighting and no war. There'd be less suffering. The world would be so much more a better place than it is now. Meanwhile, there is still so much for us to work at to make things happen.

"I am only one; but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something."

-Helen Keller-

Me, myself and I...

2005-01-18T08:02:00.000+08:00

Coming back to college wasn't as easy as I thought it would be. The first week was just a little less intense than hell itself. Maybe I'm just too worked out with petty things, but I would safely say that my I'm nearing my limit of sanity. Just a little more and I'll go bazookas.
Currently I'm in the organizing comittee for a dinner that is to be organized next week. But the oragnizing comittee doesn't look pretty much like it is supposed to be. I just can't come to fathom how exactly the dinner is supposed to be organized when half of the committee won't be at the dinner itself. I'm incharge of keeping the audience busy when the meal starts till the end- the prize giving ceremony. The job is like living hell. (how do you suppose to keep the audience entertained for an hour and a half?)
I don't know what'll help, but complaining simply won't solve all the problems; complaining won't do me any justice. Trying to work out things a little by a little won't work either, because time is against me. Rather, I have to work things out a lot by a lot. Sigh...
This week:

I'm still organizing the dinner. Hopefully, we'll come up with some graet idea that'll keep all parties happy and content.
I'm also involved (not directly) in a Valentines Day social meet. But its adding to the already heavy load that I bear.
The tonnes of studying is slowly killing me. I am already entertaining thoughts of dropping one subject. The homework is fine, but coping with the new ideas and new priciples are hard. My rusty brain isn't helping.
There will be a pool party this weekend for all the new students. (I still fall into that category) and there is a presentation to be done by all the groups. My group is doing a traditional dance. And practice shall commence soon.
I'll be trying to keep my composure eventhough everything around me is like living hell.

That'll be all for now, in the mean time, I'll try to keep my sanity.

New year's resolutions..

2005-01-07T17:52:00.000+08:00

New year's resolutions are usually made at the start of the new year and is an ordinance to last for the year to come. I didn't make any resolutions till 4 days ago (the 3rd of january). That means that I'm late. In fact 3 days late. But I guess that it doesn't matter much when you choose to start, rather what matters most is in fact, keeping the resolutions you make.
I would think its safe to say that many of us look forward to the new year. We always do. We always look to the future, we plan, we execute and we reap the harvest. This year will see us living a better life, having a brighter future and ultimately more contentment. Ironically, the start of this new year has seen mourning throughout many countries in the world. People in countries such as Indonesia (acheh in particular) and Sri Lanka have not much to look forward to this year. In a way, everything that has been happening has somehow infleunced my descision making about my resolutions for this year.
I've decided that my theme for this year is "to be contemplative". Its always easy to live for the moment, and to enjoy everything life has to offer you. In fact, not only is it easy, it is really fun. But when we choose to be so indulgent, so hedonistic , we lose ourselves. Sometimes we even lose our rational. It doesn't mean that I'll be turning a monk, rather, I'll be exploring the other side that life has to offer. ( I'll still indulge, just a little less =) )
I don't want to do things just for the sake of doing it, I want to know the reasons why I do it. I want to know why things happen the way things happen. I want to understand feelings and emotions. I want to understand why people react in certain ways.
Its always interesting to see things under new light; to understand things the way others do i.e. why some people have such a beautiful outlook towards life and why some of us don't.
In a nutshell, I'm going to try to use my brain a little more this year. Just thinking things out - the normal things that we often overlook. Possilby then, I'll grow to be a wiser me.

Me, Myself and I..

2005-01-01T02:45:00.000+08:00

Its been a mighty 2 weeks since I last blogged. Undeniably, I have been very busy, especially with Christmas and the hike up Mount. Korbu. Though it isn't good enough a reason not to blog, its pretty much human nature to be a tad lazy when you're hooked up with so much to do.
The hike up Mount Korbu this time proved to be succesful eventhough the initial hike up seemed bleak. I shall not explain what happened; maybe some other time. We left for Mount korbu on the 26th and reached back home on the 30th. It was really tiring, yet it was great fun. I would certainly like to do it again. (Maybe make it an annual event or something )
This week:

I shall have to start studying. College starts in about 10 days.
I need to pack up my belongings and get my mind ready to adapt to hostel life once more. As I said earlier, college starts in about 10 days.
I had planned to go to Cameron Highlands with some friends on the 2nd. However, I might not be going anymore. Things are a little too rushed.

I can't seem to think about anything else at the moment. I guess thats how my week shall look like- studying and preparing for college. Drats.

Me, Myself and I..

2004-12-17T02:40:00.000+08:00

Yes, that is my Christmas tree. Eventhough it is not directly related to Christmas, I've ironically decided to put it up. I guess that I just can't stand the peer pressure. With all the hype about Christmas, it'll take a miracle for me not to put up my beautiful tree. Plus, I really did enjoy decorating it.(especially the angel at the top)

I've done my Christmas shopping already. To my delight, I've discovered that shopping is equally as easy as it is fun. You plan, you search, you queue up at the counter, then you purchase. Its the "paying up" that isn't as easy as it seems. It leaves you broke most of the times. I resent Christmas shopping.

Somehow or another, buying ready made gifts never really appeal to me. I prefer making them to give it a touch of personality. Of course, there are some exceptions. But generally, I prefer making them. This time round, things are getting a little slow. The gifts I chose to make are simply too hard to make. Hopefully I'll find an alternative solution to this.

Anyway, enough of my Christmas endavours already. There lies before me a very interesting week:

I'll be going carolling this weekend. Though I have a strong dislike about straining my vocal chords, but I've managed to motivate myself to do so. No, its not the food. Really, it isn't. (Yea right...) I guess that singing carols carries the message of Christmas. Thats what motivates me.(besides the great free food =] )
I'll be making a second attempt to conquer mount korbu. I've managed to persuade a few friends to join me, 6 of us altogether. Hopefully, this attempt will see me celebrating on the peak of Mount Korbu. Preparations are being made.
I've started studying already. I did a record of 1 question on physics. Not a bad accomplishment huh? I'm in dire need to flex my brain muscles and make some sense out of the questions.
The Christmas gifts still need making. Time is against me. I need to buck up.

Of myths and legends..

2004-12-10T11:16:00.000+08:00

Ever wondered what Santa Claus has to do with Christmas?

The Christmas that we know of today is not what it was 2000 years ago. Christmas these days has been commercialised in such a drastic manner to an extent that many know of Santa Claus and Rudolph, yet they do not know the real meaning of Christmas.
I've been doing some research about Christmas and all the fiction that surrounds it. I have to say that most of the traditions (i.e. kissing under the mistletoe, santa claus and christmas trees) have nothing to do with Christmas. The stories of how things came about can be quite interesting, and I'd like to share it with all of you.

Santa Claus- What to say? Some people know him as father Christmas. I'm sure you've all seen the fat dude wearing a red suit and black boots. The tradition goes that he loves little children and has the habit of sliding down people's chimneys on Christmas eve to give little gifts to little children. He has a flying reindeer with a shiny nose named Rudolph. They both make a great team and brings happiness to Children all over the world.

Well, it is no suprise that Santa is actually a fake. He came about when people decided to revive the Dutch tradition of St. Nicholas. He was a fine saint who was a philantrophist. And from then on, people created father Christmas out of the beloved St. Nicholas. Adding extra features to him from year to year and ending up looking like today's modern day santa.

Mistletoe- People say that it is a tree that has magical attributes as well as healing properties. It is said that when whenever enemies met under the mistletoe in the forest, they had to lay down their arms and observe a truce until the next day. From that, comes the custom of kissing under the mistletoe as a sign of goodwill and friendship.

This was not a Christmas custom. Rather, the custom of kissing under the mistletoe was for many centuries was thought to bring life and fertility.

Christmas Trees- The first place we go to on the morn of Christmas. Yes, the place where we all go to get our pressies. The tree so beautifully decorated with colourful ornaments of different sizes; sometimes the size of an orange.

Now let me reveal the truth behind the christmas tree. The actual origin of the Christmas tree may be the paradise play, featuring the Paradise Tree (the "Paradeisbaum"). In medieval times, morality plays were performed all over Europe, as a way of teaching the lessons of the Bible. These plays, which showed the creations of man and the fall of Adam and Eve from the garden of Eden, was performed every year on December 24th. An apple tree was a necessary prop, but performed in winter, when all the fruit trees were bare, the actors used evergreen branches hung with apples and small white wafers. Thus the birth of the Christmas tree tradition.

With all the fiction surrounding us, no wonder people never know the true meaning of Christmas- the baby boy that was born of a virgin was God himself. An act of utmost love to save all mankind. There is a song that goes:

Christmas isn't Christmas, Till it happens in your heart,
Somewhere, deep inside you, Is where Christmas really starts.

Not everyone thinks so. To some people, Christmas is merely of myths and legends. But to me, Crhistmas is all in the heart.

Me, Myself and I..

2004-12-10T10:33:00.000+08:00

I really had a wonderful time at the youth camp. Its been some time since I last went up to Camerons; HCC in perticular. It reminded me of the 1 month I spent up there learning about life and living. I must say that going there has done me a lot of good.
The week has been really pleasant. I really do hope for many more weeks of pleasant hols. Anyway, I just came to realise that its already the second week of December. Gosh! I haven't even put up my Christmas tree yet. I have so many things to do:

I need to to put up my Christmas Tree. There can't be many things thats worse than a Christmas without a Christmas Tree.
Christmas is just round the corner. Lots of pressies to buy for family, friends and church members. That means that I'll have to go shopping some time soon. Anyone interested, call me.. =)
The Annual Christmas dinner will be held this Sunday night in KGNS. The carollers (I'm included) will have to sing a few songs that night itself. Of course, the highlight would be Juwita Suwito's performance, but I'm ready to give her a run for her money. (yeah rite..)
I've finally gotten myself a new handphone. I haven't bought a new SIM card yet; I'll be going out after this to get myself one.

That's all for this week. I honestly do think that I'll be having many interesting days ahead. (contrary to what I usually think of every week). Anyway, have yourself a merry little Christmas.. Tralalala...

Me, Myself and I..

2004-11-30T10:38:00.000+08:00

I've come to realise that I've already been on hols for almost 3 weeks now. It seems that there has not been any progress in my life; I've just wasted 3 weeks of hols. Time to put things right.
The past week was a great bore. Nothing splendid and nothing great, with the exception that I went to a barbeque party at church. Did I say that Daniel is back from Australia? Yes, he is back from Australia, the same old friend of mine.
This week:

My church Youth Camp will commence this saturday. Hoping for wonderful things to happen.

Thats about all.. Another boring week ahead..

Love..

2004-11-28T16:35:00.000+08:00

Everyone, irrespective of age, gender and race, loves to be loved. It is a universal experience free to all who seek it. It causes the strongest of men to falter, it stirs up emotions in the coldest of hearts, it sends people up to the clouds. Love is a complicated feeling. Infatuation on the other hand...

Many of us recognise the feeling; our heart skips a beat (sometimes two) and we get drowzy. We feel blood rushing throughout our bodies and we feel instantly energized. It all happens when we fall in love.

I've felt the feeling many times before. Yes, I've fallen in love many times before but the relationship usually lasts a few minutes =). ( Call it love if you want, it doesn't really matter) . What I've discovered is that falling in love is a particularly easy thing to do. It requires not much effort and requires no commitments. There are no boundaries to whom you can fall in love with.

Staying in love however, is a very different matter. It takes courage and commitment to stay together. It requires sacrifices to be made on both parties. It requires people to soldier on, even in testing times. In short, it demands a herculean effort to stay in love.

Sadly, most people never stay in love for long. Sooner or later, the affection that once held the relationship together so tightly wears off. There comes a point in time where either side of a party deems the relationship not worth the sacrifice. The relationship ends. They fall out of love.

Falling out of love shares nothing in common with falling in love with the exception that both are easy things to do. Whenever things seem bleak in a relationship, the easiest thing to do is to call it quits. It seems that most people end up in a scenario as aforesaid.

I've never stayed in a realtionship long enough to know what being in love is all about. But from what I hear, they say that love is blind. It strikes at any moment; oftentimes when we least expect it. I also hear that Cupid's arrow can bring two tremendously differing people together; usually at a great cost. i.e. in Lord of the Rings, Arwen gave up her immortality to be with Aragorn; an act of utmost love.

On my part, I think that love is not bound by anything. It is by far the greatest emotion that humankind can feel; even greater than the rational mind. In retrospect, I take great pride in echoing what Arwen once told Aragon:

The light of the Evenstar does not wax and wane.
It is mine to give to whom I will.
Like my heart.
-Arwen Undomiel-

Me, Myself and I..

2004-11-24T01:32:00.000+08:00

The climb up Mount Korbu didn't go according to plan. We hiked up to the first campsite on the first day but we couldn't carry on. We spent 2 nights at the campsite then proceeded to descend the mountain the following day. However, I did get to spend 2 nights in Ipoh at a friend's house (it was really very very fun). I plan to reutrn to mount Korbu in 3 weeks.
This week:

I really have nothing on this week. However, I will be helping a friend to revise his chemistry and give him some final tips before his SPM.

Other than that, I would think that I'll be having a really uneventful week. Maybe I should start studying. ;) That's all for now.. cheers

Growing Up..

2004-11-23T23:27:00.000+08:00

When I was young, I dreamt of growing up. I wanted to be older, stronger and superior. I wanted it so badly that I did things to make myself seem more mature. I convinced myself if that I put aside my childish ways aside long enough, I'd soon grow out of it. Or I thought so.

But the child in me haunted me for years. Now, many years later, I find myself making an ironic wish that I'd be able to be young again. I want to enjoy being childish and I want to be silly. I don't want to grow up. However, no matter how hard I wish, I simply can't be a child anymore. (with the exception of the occasional childish pranks, of course)

It brings me to think about how much sometimes we humans have the tendency to rush through life. At times, we rush through life so fast that we forget not only where we've been, but also where were going to.

We miss the things that matter the most and we make a great mess of our lives. At the end of all the rushing, we realise that there weren't anythings to rush about in the first place. Life is not a race. We only get to live life once.

However, more often than not, we choose to live in an indifferent and ignorant way. We squander away their days on earth by indulging in detrimental acts. We miss out on everything life has to offer us. How many of us ask "how are you?" and really mean it? How many of us care that our neighbour is sick? Not many can claim to be such a person.

Learning to grasp and enjoy life is fast becoming a rare skill. More and more people are merely existing but barely alive. It seems that the essence of life is dissapearing. We have to capture it once more.

Do not let your life
Slip through your fingers
By living in the past nor the future.
By living your life one day at a time,
You live all the days of your life.

A stroll down memory lane

2004-11-17T18:50:00.000+08:00

I am continuously amazed at how time passes by. I was strolling in 1 utama just the other day and to my suprise, I bumped into quite a number of friends- old, new and present ones. It certainly was great to see old friends; faithful friends who were and still are dear to me. I didn't exactly stop to chat with them, I just said a quick "hullo" and left. Though it seemed to me that I was hanging out with them only a few months back, in reality, it was nearly 3 years ago. Time certainly does pass by pretty fast.

Having bumped into my old friends, I took the liberty to recall the cherished memories that we shared- the sweet, the bitter and yes, even the silly ones.We shared the ups and the downs, and even the upside downs. It certainly felt heart warming taking a stroll down memory lane.

Of all the things I miss the most, I miss the sleepless nights where I spend talking to friends about life and the future. I miss the midnight movies and I miss the night basketball. More than any other, I miss my friends. Each of them connotes a unique experience that only I would understand.

Bumping into some old friends sufficed for me. However, there are many more friends that I didn't have a chance to bump into. Deep inside, there is a sorrowful yet passionate yearning to see them all again. I really do wonder how each and everyone of them are.

Travelling back up memory lane isn't easy, especially when the past has so much to offer. Nevertheless, I cannot afford to dwell on the past. There are new horizons for me to conquer and life has to carry on, and on, and on, and on.......

Me, myself and I ...

2004-11-15T02:28:00.000+08:00

Enough about my school already. As for the past week, my team lost the football match in the semis. We lost in the penalty shootouts (1-0). It was really unfortunate as 4 of our shots hit the crossbar and went out. Anyway, it was a great match. I reached home last wednesday and I really must say that being home is simply splendid. Anyway, I trust that this week holds much more in store for me.

The hiking trip to Mt. Korbu will start this thursday. I'll be leaving for Ipoh by bus on thursday night, then to tanjung rambutan. The hike will start the proceeding morning. Prayers are certainly welcome, especially that my injured ankle doesn't cause me any mishaps.
Carolling practice has already begun and I am somewhat left behind as I wasn't present for the past few weeks of practice. Fortunately, this year won't see us carolling in any shopping complexes nor at any functions. We'll be going from one house to another and yes, there will be lotsa great food that awaits me. =)
My brother, Markus, will be performing at the songwriter's avenue. Its a meeting for local songwriters and atists and also to encourage the younger talents. I must say that I feel really honoured to have a brother of many talents. =P

That's all for now. But at the moment, I'm really pumped up about the hiking trip; I've been preparing for the last 2 days already. That's all for now and when I return from the hiking trip, I will share my precious experiences with everyone.

The pantry

2004-11-15T02:21:00.000+08:00

This is where we have our snacks- the pantry. Its equipt with a refrigerator, electric kettle, microwave and a water dispenser. I'm also a regular at the pantry. You can see me here at 9:45, during the break time in between prep times.

Hobbies...

2004-11-14T13:27:00.000+08:00

This is where I usually spend most of my time. Its the billiards room. I'm a regular at the billiards room and I can be sighted from 10:30 pm to 11:30 pm almost everyday.

Nadzimuddin..

2004-11-12T18:13:00.000+08:00

I'm sure that everyone has been missing me for the past 3 months or so. It must be really hard not having me around. I assure you all, that I too miss you people as much as you miss me. (If you do miss me of course..) Anyway, enough of the sarcasm already.
As you know, I've been studying in KTJ for the past few months. It really is a very nice place to be in; there are nice people, nice teachers, good facilities..etc.. However, trying to write about the whole college in general is a daunting task. So, I chose to start explaining about the place where I would feel closest to home.

Yeah.. That building you see in the picture has been my home for the past 3 months. The house bears the name of the 1st grandson of the late Tuanku Jaafar, Tunku Nadzimuddin. I am in Nadzimuddin house. Other poeple would be living in other houses named after the sons and daugthers of Tuanku Jaafar i.e. Imran, Naquiah, Irinah..etc
The Nadzimuddin house is the largest of all the houses and also happens to be the newest. Nadzimuddin house is well known for its rugby team. (We are the defending champs of the annual rugby competitions for 3 years and running.) Basically the house comprises of students from the age of 13-20 and the teachers who take care of the students.
We have a housemaster by the name of Mr. David James Hitchman and 2 resident tutors, Mr. Maidin and Mr. Ang. We also have a loving matron who takes care of the sick and injured students, Matron Chee. The house is run by the teachers helped by the house captain(Arshad) and his fellow prefects (Rollin and Jazlan). Under the guidance of our beloved housemaster and prefects, we were able to win various inter house competitions namely the rugby, cross-country and house singing competitions.
All the students and teachers combined, form a loving and caring family. It really is a privilege for me to be a part of Nadzimuddin house. At least it has been for the past term. And I do hope it remains that way for the rest of the time I shall be in KTJ.

Beauty from within...

2004-11-11T01:07:00.000+08:00

"Do you think you look good?"- A question so simple yet so profound. It is a question for the strong hearted and the perceptive mind. (definitely not for me) Nevertheless, I was given the honour of answering the question when a friend of mine posed me with the question about a week ago. Being my modest self, I answered "no", which of course is what I honestly think of myself. But whether I look good or not, that is besides the point.
The point is that people nowdays are beginning to cherish good looks like never before. To a certain extent, looks have become an invaluable asset to the human race. It is often exploited and used to oneself's advantage. i.e. Misleading people by creating impressions what we are not, thus, earning recognition not due to ourselves.
It is saddening to know that the human race is becoming more and more dependant on looks to survive. The outward beauty of the human flesh has so largely influence our lives at times it seems that looks itself play a major role in determining where one would be in the near future. After giving this subject much thought, many questions came to mind. Among one of the questions is "what about inward beauty?"
Shouldn't inward beauty be given the same importance as of the outward self? By all means, it should be. However, it is easy to talk about the obvious and things that are seen- the outward self. But the inner self cannot be seen. It comprises of feelings and emotions and it is governed by the mental faculty by which we stay alive. Therefore it is hard to judge the inner self, for the inner self is untangible and merely a perception in essence. This often leads to the biased judgement of a person, for the inner self is usually left out.
It is important therefore, not to judge a book by its cover, but by its content. One can have the most horrid look in the world but yet have the sweetest heart. We must all learn to look deeper into one's self and not be so shallow. Beauty after all, is fleeting. It will pass away with time. More importantly, we must all learn to appreciate and cherish inner beauty.
With full knowledge that the outward look doesn't really matter much, I can say with confidence that I am not good looking. But I am beautiful inside. The singer Christina Aguillera once sang a song which chorus goes:

I am beautiful no matter what they say,
Words can't bring me down,
I am beautiful in every single way,
Yes, words can't bring me down,
So don't you bring me down today.

Indeed, what others think doesn't matter much. Good looks don't matter much. But beauty from within...

Me, Myself and I..

2004-11-08T08:37:00.000+08:00

Yes, I know.. Bush won the elections. I guess that doesn't make him a dork anymore. Nevertheless, The past week has been really smooth sailing and nothing eventful happened. As for this week:

The term will be over in a bout 2 days. I'm not exactly esatatic about having to go home, but going home is still fun right? Anyway, I have an expedition to plan for.
I got back my exam results for the past exam. Definitely not the results I desired to have, but I'll have to put up with it anyway.
Good news to all, my dad brought me the digital camera over the weekend. So, be expecting to see some comments about my present school.
My football team will be playing the semi-finals today. We expect it to be a very hard and challenging match. Hopefully, we'll win.

Nothing much this week, be prepared for next. Ta-ta

Gullible citizens of a distant country...

2004-11-03T08:58:00.000+08:00

Its amazing how we homosapiens are so gullible. We believe what others say without a question, especially when that someone is of a reliable reputation. Lies, to a certain extent, has become the truth for a portion of the majority.
The election results in US will be known by the end of today. For the past few weeks, both Kerry and Bush has been rallying people to their sides with hopes that the people will vote for their respectful selves. Both promise a land flowing with milk and honey, both promise to bring the nation to greater heights. Who would win the election? It doesn't really matter to me.
Both of them are liers. At the end of today, the person who tells the most convinvcing lies would be the most powerful man in the world. Voting for either one would mean choosing the better among the worse. I really do sympathize with the voters as they will be having a really tough time trying to vote for either one. (Both of them are ***tards)
But does it really matter who you vote for? After all, if both of them are liers, what matters most isn't who takes the place in the white house, right? But different leaders have different policies. For example, Bush claims to be a "president of war" and he has a peculiar hobby of bombing other contries. What fun. Kerry on the other hand, promises to be more efficient in fighting terrorism. I guess that there is a certain importance in choosing the right leader for a certain country.
Leaders of a country are representatives of the nation; every nation has its own leaders. They plan the future of the country, they execute their plans, they toil day and night to keep everyone happy. By anyone's standards, its not an easy job. The leader of a country is the ultimate slave of the people. It really is unimaginable to think that someone would want to be everyone's slave. However, with great power, comes great responsibility, and vice-versa; with great responsiblity comes great power.
Leaders are given power above other people. Their curse are also their blessing. But leaders often misuse their powers and the nation ends up in jeopardy. A great shame, don't you think so? But in most cases, leaders have a genuine love for their country and want improvements in their country.
Eventough the candidates for the elections are not the best people in the world, I do think that they deserve a pat on their back for being able to put up with so many peoples needs. Its not an easy job and putting up with it, even when it means sacrificing personal needs is something to look up to. So why don't all of us remain neutral and supportive manner of the elections in the US? Even when we know that Bush is a dork.

A day older..

2004-11-02T11:41:00.000+08:00

Two weeks ago, I celebrated my birthday. I don't know why, but the older you get, the urge to celebrate decreases as well. Maybe its a natural occurance where we humans acknowledge that birthdays mean that our time left on earth in decreasing. Possibly, to me, its just another day- I'm just a day older.
It was a sunday, a day before the start of my exams. I woke up and headed to the dining hall for my breakfast. There was nothign special that day. Even going to church was particualarly mundane. The day was normal; I spent most of my time studying for the upcoming exam the next day. Of course, I had a break in the evening to have my daily dose of tennis, but other than that, my birthday was plain boring.
Its not normal for people to feel sad on their birthdays, but I was an exception that day. I was feeling downdcast and I couldn't help feeling helpless. I wanted someone to talk to, or at least keep me company on my birthday. My parents went to Korea, and I was stuck in a hostel somewhere far from civilization.
What happened to all the celebration and happy smiles that are usually sighted everytime my birthday comes around? Truthfully, it passes away with time. Its my 18th birthday. Its not the first time I'm celebrating my birthday and it doesn't seem as important as before. Maybe beacuse I'm growing up and have the desire to be independant, to be alone and survive all by myself. Most of the times however, that is not the case.
Complaining about how gloomy my birthday is won't take me no where. Celebrating in gloominess at times is good for the soul; celebrating my birthday in a new manner was a great and new experience. After all, I still have many birthdays to go.

Me, Myself and I..

2004-10-29T08:53:00.000+08:00

The exams are this week so I didn't get a chance to really use the computer.(Gotta study hard ya know.) Anyway, my birthday last week was pretty plain. Nothing serious and nothing exciting. I'll write about what happened in another story.
As for this week, which is about to end, I'll be :

Sitting for my last exam paper, statistics. I'll be in the examination hall in a few hours to come.
Planning for a hiking trip to Gunung Korbu and its twin peak, Gunung gayung. I'll be going with a few of my college mates on the 18th of November and expected to finish by the 22nd. Prayers are always welcome.
Celebrating the end of the exams. I'll be going nowhere and I'll be stuck in Ktj. But I'll try my best to celebrate.
There'll be a 7 a side football match coming up next week. I'll be playing for the winning team- the Lower 6 team.
My sprained ankle has yet to heal. The swell has not subsided but the pain has gone. Not completely but enough for me to play games. I just hope there's nothing serious.

That's all for now. G'day and may god bless..

Names..

2004-10-23T16:39:00.000+08:00

I just discovered that my parents have the gift of prophecy. A few days ago I was chatting with some of my friends when someone started talking about names. It was particularly hilarious to know that my friend's name meant "golden dragon" in chinese. Another friend of mine was the "Great wind". As for me, my name meant - "great and handsome". This of course led me to discover my parent's gift of propehcy =P.
Thinking about names, I ponder upon the time when human beings were not bright enough to give themselves names. How exactly did they call each other? Well, there are just somethings that I'll never know. Nevertheless, at some point in time, some smart human being must have gave a name to someone. This of course became a culture which has been passed down from generation to generation over the cemturies.
Names are a word or a phrase that constitutes the distinctive designation of a person or thing. Names represent the person we are and most of the times, names depict the person we are. However, there are certain scenarios where people don't live up to their names.
I would safely say that I'm one of those scenarios. Its hard to live up to what my name means. Being great and handsome isn't an easy job. If you think that I'm having a hard time trying to live up to my chinese name, my english name is worse. Peter means rock. How in the world am I supposed to be a stone?
Well, I don't use my name much. Others use my name more than I do. They call me by name. I don't. Maybe thats why I don't live up to my name. I don't use it enough. But giving my name serious thought, it certainly would be nice to be able to live up to it. Being great and handsome isn't too bad. What does your name mean?

Talentime..

2004-10-20T09:59:00.000+08:00

Talentime was last saturday. It wasn't as spectacular as I expected it to be, but nevertheless, I would still consider it worth watching. The best performances were the instrumentals. The singing and the band category were more of a dissapointment. But who am I to comment? I can't even play any instrument that well anyway.
That night, I witnessed the display of varying talents. Some sang, some played insruments and some did both. Most of the people were watching in their seats enjoying the music, or rather, trying their best to. I was among some of those who were trying very hard to enjoy themselves. (The music wasn't that great).
But admist my boredom, I realised something. Every performance was different. None were the same. No one in their right mind would sing the same song some other had sang sang just minutes before. But as one thought leads to another, this thought led me to think why exactly the performers chose the songs they were to perform.
I didn't bother to ask them personally. What I derived was that they liked the song and they have sufficient talent to reproduce the song on that night itself. And they did. What struck me was that everyone has different taste. And everyone has different capabilities.
Owing to what I learnt in biology in form 5, I would safely say that no 2 people are alike. Everyone is different, whether in genes or personality.
Knowing that everyone is different, it simply is amazing how well humans can work together. Not every living thing posseses this ability to be united in thought. Of course some people don't get along that well, but with that exception, humans in general get along with each other pretty well. Without any doubt, that is talent too.
I get along well with many people. Not everyone though. Those I get along with well, I usually call them friends. We understand each other well, we have the same thoughts, and we share something in common. We are united in mind and in spirit. Those who I don't get along well with, however, are not my enemies. I merely call it the lacking of talent on someone's part.
Sitting in the hall for 2 hours listening to dull music certainly wasn't the nicest thing to do. But I certainly had the opportunity to display my talents too. Everyone did. We were all united in mind and in spirit. We shared something in common. We were bored. And we got along well together and all of them were my friends for that night. We were united in the fellowship of boredom wishing that things would finish as soon as possible.
Succintly put, talentime this year was a great time. There was a great display of talent by the students, namely the spectators. However, the judges made mistakes- the prizes were given to the performers. But its ok with me. I'm sure it is for everyone else too.

Me, Myself and I..

2004-10-19T11:40:00.000+08:00

The past week has been suprisingly wonderful. There weren't many catastrophies and nothing suprising. It was a dull week. Anyway, I picked up a new sport- tennis. It's fun but there still alot more for me to learn.

This week's agenda :

The exams are only a week away. I have finally found my stride and have been sleeping late nights. Studying seems so much more relevant to me now compared to last week.
There will be a weekend off starting from Thursday evening till Sunday night. I won't be going home though. I chose not to. I need time to study and going home isn't the best place to study. ( Too many distractions )
My birthday is round the corner and I will be celebrating it all alone in a God-Forsaken Place called Mantin. What could be worse? Almost nothing, except having to celebrate it 2 days before my exams... Arghh...

I forecast another boring week ahead. Thats all for now. ta-ta

Why do bad things happen to good people?

2004-10-15T08:48:00.000+08:00

My handphone was stolen 2 days ago. Since then, there is a question that seems to be lingering in my head - Why do good things happen to bad people, and why do bad things happen to good people? I'll skip the first part of the question and go on to the 2nd part- Why do bad things happen to good people?
Truthfully, I don't know. I'll never know. But I did came up with theory. Maybe bad things happen to bad people after all. Its just that we never seem to realise that we, in some way or another are bad. Most of the time, we consider ourselves better than others. Hence, bad things that happen to us seems unjustified.
Take myself for example. I'm not all that nice a person. I back bite, I lie (usually obvious white lies) and I sleep in class. I don't think I qualify to be a good person. But on the other hand, that doesn't make me qualify to be a bad person either. So, I'm somewhere in between. I'm in a state of limbo; neither here nor there. But that doesn't answer the question does it?
Well, maybe I have been naughty sometimes. And maybe that little naugthiness caused me my handphone. Maybe. Maybe not. But I'll stick to the thought that my naugthiness caused me my phone. At least then, I'll be happy that there is a reason for all this things happening.
I can't complain forever. So, I see no point in complaining for my handphone is most probably gone for good- stolen by someone, sold to the black market, passed on from on person to the next. Damn those people that support black market products. (when there is demand, there is stealing).
Well, I choose to move on. I'll need to buy a new handphone, a new telephone line and I'll have to retrieve all the phone numbers I've lost. I'll survive. As for the thief- what goes around comes around. Someday someone will be nicking his underpants and he'll have no one to blame but himself. Too bad for him. I'll have to scout for good offers before buying another handphone. Where is the nearest black market again?

Glorious suffering

2004-10-13T10:41:00.000+08:00

I would think that I'm not the only person that agrees that painful experiences has suprising teaching properties. Somehow or another, we just seem to learn so much more from experiences as compared to the text book. Some people call it trial and error, some people call it learning from mistakes. I call it glorious suffering. When we undergo bitter moments, we are transformed to be a different person; one who looks at life from a different perspective and does not succumb to the ethos of the world. Someone once said that "we'll never learn the meaning of life unless we go through pain"
I wrote a poem for english week entitled glorious suffering. Its definitely not a wonderfully authored poem, but I tried my best to put it into words. Here goes :

When unforseen trials and tribulations befall me,
I resentfully scorn the circumstances that be,
And in despair, I silently curse my fate,
And endure the wrath that trouble creates,
I look up to heaven to seek justification,
I have wronged noone, why should this be my portion?
I am innocent, I will be vindicated,
And have everything return as if the day never started,
But my ceaseless cries echo throughout the heavens,
The day turns bleak; my future- uncertain,
But wisdom; she tells me of a different story,
That a ray of hope shines incessantly,
For trouble comes, then it goes,
It passes swiftly like shifting shadows,
Leaving behind footprints of transfiguration,
Forever changing the ground it has trodden,
For beyond my reflection reveals a bloke,
Featured like me, having my scope,
If not for trouble, I am not 'me',
The person I am supposed to be,
So when unforseen trials and tribulations befall me,
Be it as it may, contended I will be,
With maturity, I've learned to accept my fate,
And travel the endless path that patiently awaits,
And learn from the little lessons that trouble inparts,
For the things that hurt, they instruct.

A lesson from Haloween Night.

2004-10-11T08:51:00.000+08:00

As I have said in my blog sometime earlier, we celebrated haloween night on the 9th of october. In a sense it was great. But not everyone turned up that night and things were a little gloomy. Looking on the bright side, Haloween wouldn't be Haloween if things weren't scary. So, the gloominess helped a little.
We had a dee jay come in and mix songs so that people could dance. However, dancing wouldn't be the right word. Clubbing would be more appropriate. I had the opportunity to see some people on their wildest behavior, "shaking their bon-bon" to the beat of the music. I tried to stay away from the dance floor, but my friends urged me to join them, so I relented.
When I was on the dance floor, I made quite a few observations. Interesting ones. Besides how ugly some people can look while dancing, I made some observations about myself too... I Am Not A Dancer. Maybe I am a dancer, but I'm the type that simply screws up at every single move.
Maybe it has something to do with my ego. I just don't want to forget about everything; how I look, how others would look at me, how others will think of me, etc.. So, I shy away from expressing myself in a manner that requires me to be in action. I'd rather express myself through music or writing or speaking but not through dancing. I just can't lay down my pride. I won't let everyone see who is in me.
Most of the times, I find myself in situations where my ego brings about problems. And most of the times, people misunderstand me. I would think its safe to say that many people would agree that I'm a little arrogant sometimes. Its just the way I act, the way I move and the way I speak. Indeed, actions speak louder than words.
But, under this thick layer of pride, lies a humble person. One who wants to learn from others and to consider everyone his teacher. He doesn't want others to look up to him, he doesn't want others to revere him. He wants to be a little bit of everyone one else.
I want to badly shed this layer of pride. Its an extra burden to carry; too heavy for me to bear. So help me Lord I pray. Let me learn to be humble. Let me learn from every single experience. Even one on haloween night.

Me, Myself and I..

2004-10-11T08:38:00.000+08:00

The last week was simply wonderful. Though I was down with my ankle injury, I still managed to wobble around. At least, I was healthy enough to wobble to the rugby field to see the finals. We had a steam boat celebration yesterday somewhere in Seremban. It wasn't the nicest food I've ever tasted but thats not the point. The point is that we won and we were celebrating. Apart from that, the week was pretty boring except that I missed class on Thursday after sustaining my ankle injury. As for this week:

I'm feeling almost tensed up. My exams are in about 2 weeks time. Note that I'm feeling almost tensed up. That's what I'm worried about. I usually am very tensed up a fortnight before the exams, but this time I'm not. When I'm tensed up, I study. When I'm not, I don't. I really am hoping to get tensed up soon.
I am healing at a miraculous pace. The doctor said that I should rest for at least a week. I played tennis yesterday and felt fit as ever. (except for the occasional tinge in my ankle)
The fasting month will be starting this Friday. I think. No, I'm not fasting. But my other friends are. Don't get the wrong idea that I'm trying to control my weight.
My dog is still sick. I mean like really sick. The last time I saw him was last week. I"m not sure if he's better. So, people out there, cheer him on.

Thats all for now folks. Watch out for "Me, myself and I.." next week. Ta-ah

The almost greatest finals..

2004-10-11T08:26:00.000+08:00

Only one match seperated us from defending our titles as senior rugby champions. We were to play Naquiuddin in the finals. It really was a wonderful match. Everything worked as planned. Our penalty moves, passing, tackling. Simply everything worked as planned. Eventually we won by 3 tries to none. It was a great final and we won the whole competition without having to concede any tries. We won with a clean sheet. We lived up to other people's expectations (we were defending champs) and we delivered. As usual, winning always feels great. But more importantly, we had fun eventhough the team was plagued by injuries. Yes, we look forward to next year's inter-house rugby competitions and hope that we'll be able to increase the tally to 4 next year. All in all, it was a great final. However, it wasn't the greatest finals. It lacked something special, a little something that would make the whole final complete. It lacked me. (i was still injured.)

The not so glorious injury...

2004-10-08T08:33:00.000+08:00

In the second match, we were up against Imran. We had thought it would be a fairly easy match but we were clearly mistaken. In the first half, we only scored one try and failed to convert. The second half was more melodramatic when our beloved center(me) got injured.
It really was a silly injury. Someone kicked the ball, and I chased after it. Somehow, My ankle got twisted and I sprained my ankle. I fell. I got up as fast as possible, hoping nobody saw that embarrasing moment and limped away. I really couldn't walk much. I was substituted out, much to my dismay and sat at the outlines icing my sprained ankle. I wanted to play.
Even as I sat at the outlines, I was really in pain. The sprained ankle didn't really hurt much but my shattered pride hurt me the most. It would have been so much more glorious if I had been tackled by 3 men at the same time and got injured. But I sprained my ankle on my own account, sprained my ankle and fell to the ground even when noone was tackling me. I felt really stupid, I still do.
The match carried on without me. The rest of the game saw many high tackles been made. Many of my teammates got injured and most people complained that Imran was not showing good sportsmanship. But of all the injuries that have happened, my injury was the most severe and all my ego was reduced to dust and ashes.
In the end, we won the match by 2 tries to none. Certainly it felt good to win. But it would have felt even better if I were playing. So far we have had a clean sheet and we intend to keep it in the finals against Naquiyuddin.

Breakthrough...

2004-10-08T08:17:00.000+08:00

The first rugby match was against Nadzaruddin. We expected a tough challenge and true enough, it was a tough game. The first half was terrible. We only scored one try. We failed to convert and our mental strength was deteriorating.
It was pretty much obvious that we were the better team. We played the whole game virtually on their half but we failed miserably to finish them. We wanted to make it fast and painless but they just kept us from the touch line. As our will to win slowly faded, we seriously needed something to liven up our spirits. We needed a breakthrough.
Then it all happened. The Fly half passed the ball to the center. The center kicked the ball, then chased it like a panther. The ball reached the opponents, but they failed to catch it. The ball bounced right into the path of the center and the center catched it and sped of with the ball. It was the second try of the game for Nadzimuddin. Our spirits were lifted.
After the second try, the other tries came tumbling in. In the end we won; the score 20-0 (4 tries, no conversions). All in all, it was a wonderful match. We did what we had to, and we won. But most importantly of all, we had a breakthrough. And we really should give a pat on the back to the center who made it all happen. His name is Peter.. =P

Me, myself and I..

2004-10-05T13:23:00.000+08:00

The parents and teacher's meeting went well. I didn't get any scolding from my teachers or my parents except for occasional nagging for being a little to lazy. Other than that, I think that I"m doing fine. The weekend back at home was fun. I drove myself around to quite a few places and I totally enjoyed being near to civilization.

As for this week,

The senior rugby interhouse competitions are starting. I'm in the first team and I'll be needing heaps of prayers. This is the first time, I'm actually feeling scared that I'll get some chronic injury and may end up paralyzed for the rest of my life.
There will be a haloween social night this saturday. I'll be screening some horror movies. Due to some complications, things aren't really working out as planned. I still have the slightest idea how were gonna screen the movie.
I'm getting the flu. Hope that I'll get better soon.

Thats almost all for this week. I'll be back next week in me, myself and I. Till then, salam mesra.

The unfair world..

2004-09-30T09:24:00.000+08:00

Celebrating Haloween is something new for me. I grew up in a particularly asean culture, except for a year in glassgow, but even then, I didn't really get to celebrate Haloween. In KTJ, the haloween celebration is just round the corner and there has been lots of effort put into making it a succesful occasion. Members of EYES (young economist society) has been put in charge of organising the "social night".
I've been put in charge of screening some horror movies. Others will be in charge of food, music, dress-code etc.. I don't really have a liking for horror movies, but its my duty. I can't escape. However, I've also been helping out with the chocolate cake dedications.
The chocolate cakes costs 3 ringgit each and will be delivered to the recipients on haloween night. Throughout the few days that I've been collecting orders, I've made a very interesting observation. Most of the chocolate dedications were made to the more popular students. Its not a great discovery, but seeing it from another point of view, its really unfair to others.
Some students are not as good-looking and charming as the others, hence, less popular. But shouldn't everyone be given equal chance to receive the cakes irrespective of their social status? It's just plain unfair that some will get all the cakes and some won't get any.
The way I see things, there will be some people with hurt feelings on haloween night. That's why I've decided to do something about it. I"ll be giving a free chocolate cake to someone I think that won't be getting any. I do hope that it'll make a difference.
I might not be able to change the whole world, but I hope to be able to give that someone a special haloween, knowing that someone is looking out for him/her.

Home..

2004-09-29T10:56:00.000+08:00

It's not really normal for me to feel homesick. But the more I think of home, the more I realise that I never really had the time to really have a home for good. So, I started to retrace where I've been since I was born.
I was born i Kluang, Johor. Needless to say, I have no memories whatsoever of that place at all. I wouldn't consider it home. When I was 2, I shifted to Mentakab, Pahang. I was there for 3 years before shifting to Glassgow, Scotland for a year. After Glassgow, I shifted back to Mentakab for another 3 years. All in all, I spent nearly 6 years in Mentakab(3 years before shifting to glassgow, and 3 years after). However, I wouldn't consider it home. When I was 8 years old. I shifted to Damansara Utama, Petaling Jaya. For the first time, I felt that I was really close to home. But At 14, After 5 years in PJ, I went to a boarding school for another 4 years. After the 4 years, I 'm in another boarding school, or rather, a college where I'm expected to stay in hostels.
I realise that I've never been living in one place for extremely long periods. Therefore, I wouldn't really have a place to call home. A new question dawns upon me. "How can you feel homesick when you don't have a place to call home?"
Well, honestly speaking. I can't tell for sure. I don't know lots of things. But the feeling of homesick is eveident in me. I feel the need to go to a place where I feel I belong to. Most of the times, I feel like a lost wanderer, endlessly searching for his destination but never finding it. And in his search for his final destination, he makes some places his temporary home only to abandon it and move on.
So it is with my life. My life is merely a passing by. I have a long journey ahead of me. Most of the places where I have been living in were only a temporary home till I moved on. Even now in KTJ, I'm in transit. Some time from now, I shall be leaving this place headed somewhere else. And from there, on to another place, then to another and another. I'll only reach home when my time on earth is up. I"ll be gone never to come back and where I'll be will be my dwelling place for eternity- Home.
The feeling I get, thinking about all of this that life is like a story book. Its written with different chapters explaining different parts of my life. And when I do finally reach home, I wonder how each and every chapter of my book would be written. And yes, the book will be published. Through words from the mouths of my sons and daughters my legacy will continue. And even as I work at making my legacy one worth talking about, I still long for home.

Me, myself and I..

2004-09-28T13:20:00.000+08:00

The cross country and the house singing competetion was held last friday and last saturday respectively. I didn't win the 1st place for the cross country run, but I did win a podium finish. I got 3rd place. As for the house singing, I played the drums well and my house won the competition, defending our house singing title.

As for this week, things will be less hectic but nevertheless, tiring.

The junior's touch rubgy inter house competition will be starting this Wednesday. As for the seniors, there will most probably be training everyday till the senior's rubgy competition. =(
The term examinations are only about 4 weeks away and I'll be starting my serious studying soon. I need to make sure I do well.
Lately, my spiritual life has kinda gone down the drain. Please do pray for me to wake up and rediscover my love for my Lord.
I just sat for my physics, chemistry, math and stats exams. I got 70% for chem and I think that I did fairly well for my physics. As for my math, I think I screwed up a little but I did quite well for my stats. Pray that I'll get good results.
There will be a parent-teacher meeting this friday. My parents will most probably be coming and will be meeting my teachers. I just hope that I won't be lectured too much by my parents.
There will be an exeat this weekend, meaning that I'll be back home this weekend.
On sunday, there'll be a social meeting for the parents and teachers of Nadzimuddin house. My parents will be attending the social meet too.

That's all for this week. Till next week, don't forget to pray for me, Salam sejahtera.

Full stop..

2004-09-22T11:07:00.000+08:00

The end of each sentence is punctuated by a full stop. It is said that every beginning has an end. As for me, I know that my life here on earth can be quantified by years, months, weeks and days. The fact is, though I feel I'm getting healthier, I am actually dying this very second. For my time on this wonderful and beautiful earth is limited and the clock is still ticking. The full stop of my life is drawing closer and closer every day.
It brings me to wonder, what exactly am I on earth for? Why exactly do I exist in the first place? Why does mankind even exist? How can it be that man has existed for such a long period of time and no one knows why we are here? Where can I find the cause and reason of my existence? It is said that man existed on earth for millions of years already. If so, how come nobody has yet to discover our origin? After millions of years, we are still left clueless about our source of life? If man is so smart, then how come we have yet to know for sure where exactly we come from? There are just so many questions that linger in my mind that not even all the intellects in the past decades can answer. So, what exactly is the purpose of life?
In such a screwed up generation, is there any purpose for living anyway? Every day, robberies, kidnaps, murders and thefts occur. Every single day and not one day escapes where the whole world is at peace. Not one damn single day. Is there anyone that can say that there is a purpose living in this world? Is there anyone who can say that it is worthwhile living in such a horrid place?
I battled the thoughts in my mind for quite a time already. All I got was nothing. Nothing could give me answers. I searched myself hoping that I might discover the answers. I didn’t. Nothing of and from this world can give an answer. Because the reason I’m here is not of the world.
It came to my understanding that my existence here on earth is for a purpose- a purpose that continues to manifest itself to me day by day even as I undergo my daily routines. The eventual outcome of this purpose, I have yet to know. What I do know is that my great objective is not one that I have chosen, but one that God has chosen for me. I am not toiling for my own sake, but for God who has called me according to his purpose. Every single thing I go through, every single thing I experience and every single thing I endure is for the ultimate purpose- to glorify God.
Knowing that the day of my departure for the afterlife draws near, I am given time to achieve the purpose to which I have been called to. I dare say that the time given me is more than I asked for- My lifetime. I am called to deny myself, take up my cross daily and follow Jesus. The task given to me is fairly easy, as my Lord has already given me all I need for my long and perilous journey in achieving my task. Most of the times however, I choose not to utilize what is given to me. I rather do things my own way. It is then that I realize that things are going wrong. However when I do rely on God's providence, things turn out for the better.
If I’m given a lifetime to achieve the one purpose I’m here existing on earth, why not give it a try? After all, I do have a lifetime to live. However, the twist to all of this is that I never know when my life will reach its full stop. All I know is that my days are limited and it is disappearing one by one. One fine day when I am called away by God, I am to give account for what I have done on earth.
There are just so many uncertainties in life- What’ll happen to my dog right up to what’ll happen to the whole earth. More importantly, I’m not sure when my life will come to its full stop. But the one thing that I do hope, is that my next sentence will begin in heaven and the sentence will never ever have to end.

Credits..

2004-09-22T10:34:00.000+08:00

Usually at the end of movies, there is a section for "little thank you"s. This section is called credits. It is where the producers show their appreciation towards all who have helped in the production of the movies, directly or indirectly.
I would like to think my life as a "little" movie itself. I am the producer, the director, and also the filming crew. Therefore I would only think it fair that I too get my own slot for credits. A little slot for me to show my appreciation to those who have had an influence on me; making who I am today in a direct or indirect manner.

First of all, I would like to thank my family who have been a major help in times of trouble. What I am today is mostly because them; they moulded me a shaped me as a child and I grew up under their care.

Thanks to fellow friends and athletes in the race of life. They are a constant source of inspiration and of warm fellowship.

Thanks to my fellow comrades, brothers and sisters in christ, who continuosly pray for me day and night. Your prayers are well appreciated.

Thanks to my dog, Lucky. You have a special place in my heart.

Thanks to the guy who collects my garbage every now and then. You've given me a new outlook on life.

Thanks to Uncle Francis. You've thought me to appreciate life. I've learnt not to "sweat the small stuff" and I'll try my best to be content with it.

Thanks to Simon for your simple faith that continues to amaze me. Collin too- you've thought me many things that I'd never learn elsewhere.

Thanks to failure for waking me up from my slumber. Thank you for teaching me to buck up and pull up my socks.

Most importantly of all, thanks to God for his never ending grace towards me. Thank you too for divine reminders that life on earth is not all there is to life.

Me, Myself and I..

2004-09-21T11:39:00.000+08:00

I've decided to rename the weekly updates as "Me, Myself and I. I would like to think that the title speaks of itself ; what is happening and revolving in my very own world. This week is a killer week. We'll be having many activities and I hope that I'll be able to keep up with it.

Cross country will be this friday evening. Many people are hoping on me to deliver and secure a podium finish. Pray for me as I'm now having a slight flu and sore-throat.
House singing will be on this Saturday night. I'll be playing the drums for my house. The song we'll be singing is "under the sea" (some Disney song..) But the beat is hard and I hope I won't screw up.
Rugby training has been resumed and I just hope I won't be spent by Friday. I have a race to win.
I got a miserable 30% for my chemistry. Looking from a brighter perspective, I got the 2nd highest marks for the exam in my class. The only higher mark than mine is 33%. =)
I will be having a 3 weekly assesment this saturday for my statistics and I'll be having another for physics on Monday. God help me...
My chemistry teacher is back after sustaining some injuries in a motorcycle accident. (he was missing in action for 2 weeks..)

I've been physically and mentally stretched throughout the last week and I just can't wait for this week to end. At least, I'll have some rest. Stay tuned for next week's updates..

I hate to lose...

2004-09-17T08:37:00.000+08:00

I hate to lose... But more often than not, I'm always on the losing end. Why? I don't know. Maybe I'm just plain unlucky.
The past week has been quite dissapointing for me. I encountered 3 major defeats. My basketball team lost all 3 matches in the inter-house competition. Of course its not that bad. But the worst part is that I was playing. We lost 36-26 to nadzaruddin, 37-24 to Imran and 37-26 to Naquiuddin.
The first match was great. Though we lost, we were up against the best team and we only lost by 10 points. I was red carded for making 3 consecutive fauls and had to seat on the bench just slightly before the 1/2 time. I was playing on form and I would think that we would have been able to win hadn't I play so aggresively.
The second match against Imran was a mentally discouraging game. I hardly scored any points. The opposition was tall and there was nothing I could do about it. I tried to keep the possesion of the ball but failed miserably. The worst was yet to come. Our center injured his ankle and it swelled up as big as a tennis ball. He's now in singapore having a medical examination in some hospital.
The 3rd match was a killer. We played so well that by 7 minutes into the game we were leading 20-4. I felt so confident that we'll win. To my dismay, everyone in the team got a little too exicted and we lost the ball a few times and from then on, the opposition kept on scoring. What a great shame. We lost in the end by a margin of 11 points.

My house lost all the games and there aint' no one to blame but the players. Of course, there were other factors involved, but ultimately no one could make us perform but ourselves. We could have done alot more better. We didn't. So now I stand with my shattered pride. I guess it'll take quite some time for my ego to heal ;)

Updates for 13th- 19th september..

2004-09-17T08:25:00.000+08:00

The interhouse basketball tournament was held throughout this week. Just some updates on how my house did...

We lost 36-26 to Nadzaruddin house. I got red carded for making 3 fauls.
We lost 37-24 to Imran house. I got 2 fauls.
We lost 37-26 to Naquiuddin house. I got another red card after 3 fauls.
We lost all the 3 matches.. I have nothing more to say....

My brother went to a specialist to check out his kidney malfunction. Apparently, its fine and everything is ok. However, they have yet to find out why his pee is contaminated with blood. (must be some internal bleeding thingy)

I'm down with some flu and sore throat. I feel as if I'll be sick for a nother week or so. Please pray for me when you have the time.

Thats all for this week. Stay tuned and keep watch till next week. Salam mesra.

Still Learning..

2004-09-09T08:22:00.000+08:00

Even as the days go by here in KTJ, I come to realise that I still have so much to learn about life. Yesterday was a lesson that I will remember. We were given a suprise physics exam 2 days ago. Yesterday, we got our results. Simply unbelievable. I got a miserable 22% for the exam.
Some of you might argue that grades are merely alphabets which carrry no meaning. But to me, its a great deal. This is the first time I've ever failed an exam. Even through tougher times, I've never failed to deliver. But this time, I was unvictorious.
And so I carry on with my ramblings. But nothing I say or do will change my grades. Its a blemish, a dark spot on my record and my reputation will definitely be tarnished.
Back to the point; its a lesson that life is teaching me. Its ok to fail, but for my own sake, Do something about it. There is no greater lesson than having to fail, for failure somehow teaches you more than anything else does. Indeed, things that hurt, instruct.
I am left to ponder about my recent failure. I could just give up and resent and despise Physics. But thats wrong. Behind every catastrpohe, I believe that there is a lesson to learn. Therefore, I stand confident that my failure will lead me to greater heights. I won't be discouraged, I won't lose heart and I won't give up. I can't.
I'm on a scholarship....

Updates...

2004-09-08T10:30:00.000+08:00

Just a weekly update about what is going on.

Junior basketball: We won Naquiuddin 21-12 and naquiah 34-7.. Imran and Nadzaruddin will be next...
Senio basketball will be starting next week. Hopefully we'll be able to pull a miracle like the juniors did.
I'll be going for the International Award expedition in Perak this weekend. It'll be a 3 day expedition in Banding resort..
My brother, Markus is having a liver infection. So everyone, prayers are well appreciated. (Get the message?)

I guess that thats all for now.. More Updates next week.

Newly Baptised..

2004-09-06T08:51:00.000+08:00

I've made the step to proclaim my faith to the world. I've just got baptised. I've been wanting to get baptised for quite a long time, say, 3 and a half years? Simply amazing why it took so long for me to get baptised huh? I was supposed to be baptised about 4 months ago but I was in RBS and I couldn't make it to the baptism.

During the 4 months since the last baptism, I have gone through many ups and downs in my life. I had drifted away from God. I experienced lonliness, mild depression and idleness. Nothing prepared me to go through the waters of baptism.

Then it came to my realization. I cant afford to make descisions based on my own personal feelings. If I'd continue to make emotionally drived descisions, I'll never be baptised because I'll never feel that I'll be ready. It is a sacrifice that I have to make on my behalf. So, I beat my body and make it my slave. I make concious efforts to remind and convince myself that baptism is good for me. And it is.

There are many hopes that I have for myself in the future. I want badly to be a good Christian, a faithful servant and I want very badly to live up to my proclaimation of faith. Most important of all, I want to glorify God with my life and maybe oneday, someday, someone will remember me as a person who loved God and lived for God. May the day come when people will look at my grave and see a testimony of God's grace in my life.

I want to leave a legacy of faith to this world. I want to encourage those who have fallen down, even when I'm no longer around. Every time someone's baptism comes around, I feel the urge to sing this song. Partly because I'm convicted that the lyrics are meaningful, but mostly beacuse the song speaks of my desire. I'd like to share a few stanzas from the song.

Surrounded by a cloud of many witnesses,
Let us run this race not only for the prize,
But to those who've gone before us,
Let them leave to those behind us,
A stirring testament of God's sustaining grace.

O' may all who come behind me find me faithful,
May the fire of devotion light the way,
May the footprints that I leave,
Lead them to believe,
And the life I live inspire them to obey,
O' may all who come behind me find me faithful.

When every thing we hoped for,
Has come and gone,
And my children sift through all that's left behind,
May the memories they uncover,
And the truths that they discover,
Lead them to the path that each of us must find.

Beauty

2004-09-04T17:21:00.000+08:00

SAY not of Beauty she is good,
Or aught but beautiful,
Or sleek to dove's wings of the wood
Her wild wings of a gull.

Call her not wicked; that word's touch
Consumes her like a curse;
But love her not too much, too much,
For that is even worse.

O, she is neither good nor bad,
But innocent and wild!
Enshrine her and she dies, who had
The hard heart of a child.